For me, it's like wasting time. I have so many things to do. But, now I will have to obey my body. That's my vehicle for now.
What's new? Last time I was warded, Adek died.
Today, Buntet followed.
6th October will always be a confusing day for me. It marks the fourth year that I lost my father.
Today is a painful day for me. Emotionally and physically. You see, I was prescribed Morphine Syrup to manage my pain. The syrup did not agree with me, so I stopped taking them.
I distracted my mind from the cancer pain, which feels like something hard and covered with sharp spikes trying to push itself out from your anus, while all the time, it feels like someone is slowly and deliberately slicing at your intestine.
Energy-wise I am functional when I lie down. Moving about to turn will tire me. I can stand-up, using a rollator to go to the kitchen/bathroom but this takes up too much of my energy.
I was told that this is the effect from my second round of Chemo (palliative care, day 1 and day 8 of the month, subject to Drs' clearance). It should be gone by now.
I have my eyebrow, moustache and beard growing back. The nerve damage on hands and feet is slowly getting less painful.
This shows that my body is recovering from the chemotherapy and I will be starting another around of chemo this Thursday.
I still have a weak heart. Low energy. Dangerously low BP and unusually high heart rate. So I can't walk more than 5 steps, before feeling extremely tired.
It is what it is.
I am going to miss my Abah. I look forward to see him again soon.
P/S: Have you ever wondered what happens to your body when you're dying? I googled it. I regretted it. I am experiencing all of it. Read here.
List of ailments :
1. Sharp stabbing stomach pain
2. Hand and feet Nerve damage
3. Low energy, low BP, high heart rate
4. Hard to pass stool, green/milky discharge
5. Very dirty urine followed by milky substance which can be bloody at times
6. No appetite
7. Painful stomach gas
8. Skin on legs are flaking off like dandruff
