So what's the big deal?
Lots.
There'll celebrations and parties all around the world, there's the Year End Sales and not forgetting the Year End Stress! Which of course badly affects me... I'll give some example...
Car broke down, marka merajuk, marka pujuk, marka merajuk balik, marka buat2 as if nothing happened, marka jadik manja2, marka this marka that.
Kerja macam orang gila, car broke down again, car masuk workshop, car punya part mahal siot, gaji lom masuk, gaji masuk dah, in desperate need of tender loving care, in desperate need of tender loving care by someone, dont care anyone but in desperate need in tender loving care, in desperate need of that certain someone again.
Tired, bored, stressed out, indigestion, insomnia, addicted to caffein, addicted to ciggies, confused, in love, not in love, in love again...
Marka going for a holiday next year, dont wanna tell where and with who... I cannot go...
Single, attached, single again, attached again...
This happened during the last week of the year 2007.
Next year, during this time, I'll be away doing things I wanna do...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Shitty Friday...
Car broke down (overheating and when I stopped the car, couldn't get it to start)...
Left the phone inside the car, when I went for dinner with the other car, when I got back, got 5 missed calls and three text messages (another reason for that person to pick a fight)....
Gaji masuk lagi, friends who borrowed money from moi didn't pick up the phone (cannot repair the car, cannot even afford the tow truck)...
That someone doesn't pick up the phone, due to last night incident (great, just great)...
Received a phone call from that someone (kena marah... Malas nak layan doh)...
Received a call from Ms. Sufina... My quesheet for todays' View Points not in the file... She got bambooed by the Boss.
Five minutes later, received a text message from the Boss (kena lagi)... Tried to explain through SMS, but explaination through SMS sucks... Was misunderstood which made matters worst.
Tengah makan nasik, terus rasa kenyang... Buang seperiuk nasik of nasik...
Wgat else could go wrong?
It's only 1641hrs... I'm going back to bed...
1650hrs... The phone rang... Mr. Fairuzs' sister was admitted to the hospital (again), that means kena ganti konti dia lagi... Fine! More money for me.
Since I'm holding the phone, might as well...
(1) Call Miss Sufina to know more about the missing queshit (quesheet) mystery and also to ask her for a switch for tomorrows' duty- she agreed.
(2) Call Ms. Husner (The Boss) to ask her opinion on switching duties .
(3) Call Ms. Zaleha to confirm and see if she remembered me entering her room and putting the queshit into the file infront of her (which of course she remembers).
(4) Call the Boss to confirm about tomorrows' duty and of course before hanging up, letting her know that I've put the quesheet in the file and Ms. Zaleha is my witness...
May the one who sabotaged me (if he's a guy) loses his dick, like it just turns black and dropped off or if it was a girl, she'll sprout a teeny, tiny dick where her clitoris is (and the dick will be bright bright pink about the size of my pinkie finger!) Amen...
So the song of the moment... Fat Cat by Boy George.
Boy George Fat Cat Lyrics
Another song of woe
Woe sounds like this
You say nothing's changed, where were you when my world
Was spinning into masquerade
You claim it's just a question of mathematics
I shut the door on your amateur dramatics
Then you think too much
And you talk too much, vicariously
Yeah you think too much
And you talk too much
Every word is substance free
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
And you hurt yourself
You say I'm deranged, I'll admit to being strange
But I just can't stop loving you
If the light in your eyes
Addiction came as a surprise
Didn't think I'd be so into you
Then you think too much
And you talk too much, so carelessly
Yeah you think too much
And you talk too much
Every word is substance free
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last, the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
Left the phone inside the car, when I went for dinner with the other car, when I got back, got 5 missed calls and three text messages (another reason for that person to pick a fight)....
Gaji masuk lagi, friends who borrowed money from moi didn't pick up the phone (cannot repair the car, cannot even afford the tow truck)...
That someone doesn't pick up the phone, due to last night incident (great, just great)...
Received a phone call from that someone (kena marah... Malas nak layan doh)...
Received a call from Ms. Sufina... My quesheet for todays' View Points not in the file... She got bambooed by the Boss.
Five minutes later, received a text message from the Boss (kena lagi)... Tried to explain through SMS, but explaination through SMS sucks... Was misunderstood which made matters worst.
Tengah makan nasik, terus rasa kenyang... Buang seperiuk nasik of nasik...
Wgat else could go wrong?
It's only 1641hrs... I'm going back to bed...
1650hrs... The phone rang... Mr. Fairuzs' sister was admitted to the hospital (again), that means kena ganti konti dia lagi... Fine! More money for me.
Since I'm holding the phone, might as well...
(1) Call Miss Sufina to know more about the missing queshit (quesheet) mystery and also to ask her for a switch for tomorrows' duty- she agreed.
(2) Call Ms. Husner (The Boss) to ask her opinion on switching duties .
(3) Call Ms. Zaleha to confirm and see if she remembered me entering her room and putting the queshit into the file infront of her (which of course she remembers).
(4) Call the Boss to confirm about tomorrows' duty and of course before hanging up, letting her know that I've put the quesheet in the file and Ms. Zaleha is my witness...
May the one who sabotaged me (if he's a guy) loses his dick, like it just turns black and dropped off or if it was a girl, she'll sprout a teeny, tiny dick where her clitoris is (and the dick will be bright bright pink about the size of my pinkie finger!) Amen...
So the song of the moment... Fat Cat by Boy George.
Boy George Fat Cat Lyrics
Another song of woe
Woe sounds like this
You say nothing's changed, where were you when my world
Was spinning into masquerade
You claim it's just a question of mathematics
I shut the door on your amateur dramatics
Then you think too much
And you talk too much, vicariously
Yeah you think too much
And you talk too much
Every word is substance free
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
And you hurt yourself
You say I'm deranged, I'll admit to being strange
But I just can't stop loving you
If the light in your eyes
Addiction came as a surprise
Didn't think I'd be so into you
Then you think too much
And you talk too much, so carelessly
Yeah you think too much
And you talk too much
Every word is substance free
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last, the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
You're the dirt on my collar
You're the hole in my favourite shoe
You're the last dying breath of love
You're the weight that I need to lose
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Bamia oh Bamia
After a long idle life... My stove finally smoke (direct translation from akhirnya dapurku berasap....)
Did nothing today. Woke up late. Slept again in the afternoon. Woke up again feeling stupid. had more coffee. Went shopping alone. Kena ngorat ngan promoter. Laki plak tu. Beli mamam, tapi tak mamam pun. Cook. Didn't eat until now. Smoke like mad.
HP asik munyi je. Orang pujuk. But menurut JAKIM, cerai SMS tak sah, so I buat kesimpulan... Pujuk SMS pun tak sah la.
One thing that I hate the most among many thing is being lied to. Seriously, benci tol. Enough said.
I'm still in love. which is a good thing. The question is, why do I feel bad? Anyway... here's a pix of sebelanga of Bamia. Makan ngan roti sodap... Makan ngan kentang bakar pun sodap... Makan ngan pasta pun sodap... Kalo me yang masak... memang sodap la....
Did nothing today. Woke up late. Slept again in the afternoon. Woke up again feeling stupid. had more coffee. Went shopping alone. Kena ngorat ngan promoter. Laki plak tu. Beli mamam, tapi tak mamam pun. Cook. Didn't eat until now. Smoke like mad.
HP asik munyi je. Orang pujuk. But menurut JAKIM, cerai SMS tak sah, so I buat kesimpulan... Pujuk SMS pun tak sah la.
One thing that I hate the most among many thing is being lied to. Seriously, benci tol. Enough said.
I'm still in love. which is a good thing. The question is, why do I feel bad? Anyway... here's a pix of sebelanga of Bamia. Makan ngan roti sodap... Makan ngan kentang bakar pun sodap... Makan ngan pasta pun sodap... Kalo me yang masak... memang sodap la....
I Spoke too Soon...
Ok... Imagine this...
To make it easier for you to imagine, if you're a girl, your lover would be a guy, vice versa if you're a guy, but hey it's a modern world, and I am gay & lesbian friendly guy (but if you can avoid from doing something "bad" in the eye of the society, dont do it!) so go ahead and pick anyone gender that you like... Whatever floats your boat honey! "He/she" thingy is just to make it easier for you to imagine. To visualise what i'm feeling at the moment.
You just finished work and your lover texted you saying that he/she wanted to stop by your place to do laundry. Wouldn't you be happy?
After doing laundry, you chatted, his/her head on your shoulder, your hands playing with his/her hair, then he/she said he/she had to go to meet his/her boss. You dont want him/her to go but you have to right? Because he/she's going to meet his/her boss.
Then let's just say after approx. 1 hour suddenly you have a bad feeling and then he/she texted you saying that he/she is already at his/her house, not feeling well, maybe headache, maybe tummyache, will you go out in the middle of the night to see him/her? Of course you'll definetely stop by the store to pick up something (definetely not condoms) right?
So you arrived there and you still getting bad vibes, will you get out of the car and proceed to his/her door or just start the car go back home?
Then when you reached his/her door and he/she tells you that he/she can't open the door because his/her friends are with him/her, inside the house, he/she dont want them to see you there and that he/she can't open the door, will you be suspicious?
Then when you texted and call this person, he/she didn't pick up the phone, didn't reply your sms while you're standing infront of his/her door, wouldn't you be more suspicious?
Let's just say, you stood there for 10 minutes, while still trying to call him/her and your phones' battery about to die on you... Wouldn't you try and hear what's happening inside his/her house?
Will you check the carpark for his/her car?
What will you do if his/her parking space is empty? Will you stay? Or go home right away?
And what if suddenly your phone rang and it was him/her, accidentally dialled your number. You can hear loud loud music playing, obviously him/her not at home, but having fun else where, how'd you feel? I know you should be happy, your lover is having a great time.... But remember the sms (tummyache, about to go to bed, friends at home, the lies)?
What if you kept on trying to call but he/she is not picking up, while you wait inside your car and and six hours later (give or take a few minutes) he/she arrived with his/her friends... Will you text him/her saying "I'm still infront of your house", then call him/her after your text message got no reply? Remember that this is the person who you really love... And you just posted about being so in love and how you belong to him/her in your previous post... How would you feel?
Am I entitled to be pissed? Yes, I am.
The problem is (just to qoute a friend I haven't seen in a very long time)... I'm still in love with this person.
Just to humour myself...
I'll post this pix I've been working on last night before I went down and got in my car, before the six hours wait, before I realised, I've been lied to... The pix's fake, so is everything else.
Me and Ms. Caprina looking Caprilicious.... He's a doll rite? Hahahaha... I am sooo soooo sooo soooo baaaaadddd.....
To make it easier for you to imagine, if you're a girl, your lover would be a guy, vice versa if you're a guy, but hey it's a modern world, and I am gay & lesbian friendly guy (but if you can avoid from doing something "bad" in the eye of the society, dont do it!) so go ahead and pick anyone gender that you like... Whatever floats your boat honey! "He/she" thingy is just to make it easier for you to imagine. To visualise what i'm feeling at the moment.
You just finished work and your lover texted you saying that he/she wanted to stop by your place to do laundry. Wouldn't you be happy?
After doing laundry, you chatted, his/her head on your shoulder, your hands playing with his/her hair, then he/she said he/she had to go to meet his/her boss. You dont want him/her to go but you have to right? Because he/she's going to meet his/her boss.
Then let's just say after approx. 1 hour suddenly you have a bad feeling and then he/she texted you saying that he/she is already at his/her house, not feeling well, maybe headache, maybe tummyache, will you go out in the middle of the night to see him/her? Of course you'll definetely stop by the store to pick up something (definetely not condoms) right?
So you arrived there and you still getting bad vibes, will you get out of the car and proceed to his/her door or just start the car go back home?
Then when you reached his/her door and he/she tells you that he/she can't open the door because his/her friends are with him/her, inside the house, he/she dont want them to see you there and that he/she can't open the door, will you be suspicious?
Then when you texted and call this person, he/she didn't pick up the phone, didn't reply your sms while you're standing infront of his/her door, wouldn't you be more suspicious?
Let's just say, you stood there for 10 minutes, while still trying to call him/her and your phones' battery about to die on you... Wouldn't you try and hear what's happening inside his/her house?
Will you check the carpark for his/her car?
What will you do if his/her parking space is empty? Will you stay? Or go home right away?
And what if suddenly your phone rang and it was him/her, accidentally dialled your number. You can hear loud loud music playing, obviously him/her not at home, but having fun else where, how'd you feel? I know you should be happy, your lover is having a great time.... But remember the sms (tummyache, about to go to bed, friends at home, the lies)?
What if you kept on trying to call but he/she is not picking up, while you wait inside your car and and six hours later (give or take a few minutes) he/she arrived with his/her friends... Will you text him/her saying "I'm still infront of your house", then call him/her after your text message got no reply? Remember that this is the person who you really love... And you just posted about being so in love and how you belong to him/her in your previous post... How would you feel?
Am I entitled to be pissed? Yes, I am.
The problem is (just to qoute a friend I haven't seen in a very long time)... I'm still in love with this person.
Just to humour myself...
I'll post this pix I've been working on last night before I went down and got in my car, before the six hours wait, before I realised, I've been lied to... The pix's fake, so is everything else.
Me and Ms. Caprina looking Caprilicious.... He's a doll rite? Hahahaha... I am sooo soooo sooo soooo baaaaadddd.....
Monday, December 24, 2007
We Wish You a Merry Christmas x 4 and a Happy New Year
Went all haha, huhu and gaga at the office today... Walked bare footed all over the office... Annoyed everyone and everyone turned green in envy looking at that elf hat! I love it!
Pix!
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That's me (cool looking elf with an attitude and cool shades- RM9.90 @ Asiawalk)and Mr. Capri (wearing a shrek head-band courtesy of McDs' Langkawi) posing ala2 comel... Comel kan?.jpg)
Another one! (Dang... Mr. Capri scarily looking like Ms. Capri!) kononnya jelita la tu... Ms. Sufina ngan mr. Shahir Danian buat lagu... Jangan Pisahkan... (Huang Kajo tol!)
I think for a (almost) 30 year old, I kinda sorta look cute, huggable, lovable, huggable (again), looking like a sweet little kitten asking to be love... Like... Love me... Love me... Love me... Take me home so I can mess up your living room and go all poopie on your sofa... Muahaha....Hehehe... Had a heart to heart, head to shoulder talk with my sayangku just now...
It was sweet, bould've been sweeter... But oklah... At least got taste rather than no taste and no "tasting" at all... I did a brave thing by letting My Sayangku read this blog... hmmm...
To My Sayangku... I'm totally yours...
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Music for the Moment...
I dont know why, but I have this song in my mind lately... it's Atilia with Sangkar...
p/s: I think the running in the forest part should be taken out... It's the weakest part of this music video... And oh... She said she's not naked during the water terjun scenes... She's wearing a two piece bikini suit in same color as her skin to give the impression that she is naked (might as well shave her pubic hair and put flesh colored round plaster tapes on the nipples and belly-button) Hehehe....
p/s: I think the running in the forest part should be taken out... It's the weakest part of this music video... And oh... She said she's not naked during the water terjun scenes... She's wearing a two piece bikini suit in same color as her skin to give the impression that she is naked (might as well shave her pubic hair and put flesh colored round plaster tapes on the nipples and belly-button) Hehehe....
Saturday, December 22, 2007
When You Want... You Cant Get....
Another point and shoot pix... I'll call this one... "Lain kali bayar bil elektrik tepat pada waktu...Jangan sampai TNB potong karan time2 dekat nak raya... Kan dah dok dalam gelap...."
p/s: I bayar bil on time aaa... Elektrik rumah I tak kena potong...
Tu I tangkap gambo lam bilik diterangi cahaya lampu "Salt Lamp" I... Muahaha.... P
enat gila babas... Sok cuti... Yeah yeah... sok cuti... Cuti... But still have to standby to do a rehearsal for HM Aerospace... Adei... But OK la... Demi wang ringgit... Biarlah naik tangga opis pun rasa cam nak terkeluar kepala lutut... Takpe... Janji duit masuk...
Anyway... What did I do today... Abes keja je teros gi tunjuk muka kat Xena... She's here in Langkawi with her models... Doing a show... Her words: Moved to Penang la... I need male models... (HUH? Populasi male models kat Penang dah jatuh merudum ke tiba2 ajak aku gi Penang tu?)
Lepas tu mamam McDs'. Mula2 sorang... Then satu member (actually tak kenal pun) datang lepak... Bawak Jaguar green karer (actually, my neighbour la... Penah tgk tapi tak penah cakap).
Me sorang... He oso sorang... So dok satu meja aaa... Ada gak benda nak sembang... Sembang, punya sembang... Dia penah booking keta cam aku nyer keta plaks... tahun 1996... keta vover (bila sebut rover sambil kunyah spicy chicken mc deluxe... camtu la jadi nye)... Ampes tol... Tak makan tua siot org tua tu... Aku tawun 96 still dok main longkang (still do till this day, but nowdays main longkang pun with class aaa...)...
So abes je melantak breakfast, lunch, dinner (supposedly), balik opis buat recording... Mluat tol this kempen pilihanraya thingy... Menyusahkan idup aku tol!
Ok la... Malas nak type panjang2... Nak kena tido awal... Esok nak mangun awal, nak kemas umah, basuh baju, buang sampah, mop lantai, kemas balkoni depan belakang... Cuti pun cam tak cuti la... Ampes...
p/s: I bayar bil on time aaa... Elektrik rumah I tak kena potong...
Tu I tangkap gambo lam bilik diterangi cahaya lampu "Salt Lamp" I... Muahaha.... P
enat gila babas... Sok cuti... Yeah yeah... sok cuti... Cuti... But still have to standby to do a rehearsal for HM Aerospace... Adei... But OK la... Demi wang ringgit... Biarlah naik tangga opis pun rasa cam nak terkeluar kepala lutut... Takpe... Janji duit masuk...
Anyway... What did I do today... Abes keja je teros gi tunjuk muka kat Xena... She's here in Langkawi with her models... Doing a show... Her words: Moved to Penang la... I need male models... (HUH? Populasi male models kat Penang dah jatuh merudum ke tiba2 ajak aku gi Penang tu?)
Lepas tu mamam McDs'. Mula2 sorang... Then satu member (actually tak kenal pun) datang lepak... Bawak Jaguar green karer (actually, my neighbour la... Penah tgk tapi tak penah cakap).
Me sorang... He oso sorang... So dok satu meja aaa... Ada gak benda nak sembang... Sembang, punya sembang... Dia penah booking keta cam aku nyer keta plaks... tahun 1996... keta vover (bila sebut rover sambil kunyah spicy chicken mc deluxe... camtu la jadi nye)... Ampes tol... Tak makan tua siot org tua tu... Aku tawun 96 still dok main longkang (still do till this day, but nowdays main longkang pun with class aaa...)...
So abes je melantak breakfast, lunch, dinner (supposedly), balik opis buat recording... Mluat tol this kempen pilihanraya thingy... Menyusahkan idup aku tol!
Ok la... Malas nak type panjang2... Nak kena tido awal... Esok nak mangun awal, nak kemas umah, basuh baju, buang sampah, mop lantai, kemas balkoni depan belakang... Cuti pun cam tak cuti la... Ampes...
Friday, December 21, 2007
Aidil Adha... Post Celebration Pending
Did something crazy at the office earlier on... Can't help myself... What to do? I'm bored... No... I'm bored and I'm tired... Got the Ms. B (My Boss la) in the studio with me... She agreed for an interview... Then called Mr. amin Carlos in KL for a quick interview... Abis keja, "menery" (menerai) kasut Ms. Sufina... She plak pakai kasut Mr. AA... So the result...
Pix!
Question: Can guess or not whose kaki in which shoes?
Answer: Hehehehe... Today... I geli tgk kaki I sendiri in that shiny shiny high-heels... Geli siot...
Anyway, after work, Ms. Piena and yours truly gi cari Laksa... Of all the makan thing... Pusing punya pusing... No Laksa!
We went to Syooks' I makan Grill Chicken with BBQ sauce with nasik putih... She ordered Tempura Udon soup thingy...
We contributed to the English language by inventing a new word : RE-ORDERABLE meaning that the dish is sedap enough to be ordered next time...
OTW home, my sayangku plaks called... Been talking about that handphone for so long... What the heck... Beli je... Dah beli... So now nomore merengek-merengek about wanting a new handphone, I hope...
Memang la penat keja cari duit.... tapi after I bought that henpon... the look on dia punya muka... Fuhhh... It's worth it...
Love the one you love... Peace... World peace... Nak mandi doh... badan bau cam bangkai hamster yang dibiarkan ditempat lembab selama seminggu... Ngeeee....
Pix!
Question: Can guess or not whose kaki in which shoes?
Answer: Hehehehe... Today... I geli tgk kaki I sendiri in that shiny shiny high-heels... Geli siot...
Anyway, after work, Ms. Piena and yours truly gi cari Laksa... Of all the makan thing... Pusing punya pusing... No Laksa!
We went to Syooks' I makan Grill Chicken with BBQ sauce with nasik putih... She ordered Tempura Udon soup thingy...
We contributed to the English language by inventing a new word : RE-ORDERABLE meaning that the dish is sedap enough to be ordered next time...
OTW home, my sayangku plaks called... Been talking about that handphone for so long... What the heck... Beli je... Dah beli... So now nomore merengek-merengek about wanting a new handphone, I hope...
Memang la penat keja cari duit.... tapi after I bought that henpon... the look on dia punya muka... Fuhhh... It's worth it...
Love the one you love... Peace... World peace... Nak mandi doh... badan bau cam bangkai hamster yang dibiarkan ditempat lembab selama seminggu... Ngeeee....
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha...
Hehehe... Tired giler today...
I've been really really bad... Call me dad to speak with me mom but she's not around... Went to work... Worked!
Then did some translation job, recording stuff etc... Went back with the top of the car down... Bawak keta cam hantu... Went to Starbux Jetty Point to get a venti-sized ice Blended Choc Cream Chip with whipped-cream...
Bawak keta cam hantu balik umah... One hand got ciggy, one hand clutching my venti-sized ice Blended Choc Cream Chip with whipped-cream...
This is the lawak part... I stripped off my baju melayu merah ang ang the moment i closed the door... By the time i reached my living room, I'm wearing my super-sexy black undies with matching black singlet...
Called my sayangku, at the same time my handphone rang- my dad called. Aiyo potong stim betul la...
Talked to both house phone and handphone at the same time. I said, "aaa... ada incoming call... kejap lagi org tipon balik..." Hung-up both handphone and the house phone at the same time... Pikir kejap nak tipon sapa dulu....
Then I decided to call my sayangku for a while... We had the steamiest phone sex session (yeah right!) Lawak je... Cakap2 biasa je...
Then called my parents... was on the phone for almost an hour... Ok la... Tak balik kampung for a year liao... Missed my parents.
Now updating my blog... Later wanna mandi and go to bed early... Penat sial...
Anyway... pre-new year jitters is back with the new year just around the corner...
I'm starting to hears that echoey echoey little voice not unlike my own asking me questions like- What have i achieved this year?/What bad aspect of my life that i managed to get rid off? /What do I want for next year?
And the scariest question being- Do I really want to get married next year?
The second scariest question will be- How much money i earned throughout 2007 and how much money did I managed to save?
Gasps... Chokes... Turns blue...
Time to learn how to tie a real noose with a real rope, neckties are for pussies!
Btw, here's a video of one of my favorite song...
It's called No Mans' Woman (I'm a No Womans' Man!)
p/s: i remembered seeing this video way way back in the late nineties... I love Sinead o'Connor enough to recognize her voice after hearing five seconds of her voice... I love the music video, she's beautiful in it... I remembered saying to my sister... "Tengok tu... sinead O'Connor ni cantik aaa... Rambut dia dah panjang..." (That's the moment she pulled off her wig... hehehe... Me and my sister bergolek-golek gelak depan TV... Dang!)
p/s 2: (ala2 ps2 the playstation la pulok) I think for next year I'll live by this motto: My car, my life, my dick, my business...
I've been really really bad... Call me dad to speak with me mom but she's not around... Went to work... Worked!
Then did some translation job, recording stuff etc... Went back with the top of the car down... Bawak keta cam hantu... Went to Starbux Jetty Point to get a venti-sized ice Blended Choc Cream Chip with whipped-cream...
Bawak keta cam hantu balik umah... One hand got ciggy, one hand clutching my venti-sized ice Blended Choc Cream Chip with whipped-cream...
This is the lawak part... I stripped off my baju melayu merah ang ang the moment i closed the door... By the time i reached my living room, I'm wearing my super-sexy black undies with matching black singlet...
Called my sayangku, at the same time my handphone rang- my dad called. Aiyo potong stim betul la...
Talked to both house phone and handphone at the same time. I said, "aaa... ada incoming call... kejap lagi org tipon balik..." Hung-up both handphone and the house phone at the same time... Pikir kejap nak tipon sapa dulu....
Then I decided to call my sayangku for a while... We had the steamiest phone sex session (yeah right!) Lawak je... Cakap2 biasa je...
Then called my parents... was on the phone for almost an hour... Ok la... Tak balik kampung for a year liao... Missed my parents.
Now updating my blog... Later wanna mandi and go to bed early... Penat sial...
Anyway... pre-new year jitters is back with the new year just around the corner...
I'm starting to hears that echoey echoey little voice not unlike my own asking me questions like- What have i achieved this year?/What bad aspect of my life that i managed to get rid off? /What do I want for next year?
And the scariest question being- Do I really want to get married next year?
The second scariest question will be- How much money i earned throughout 2007 and how much money did I managed to save?
Gasps... Chokes... Turns blue...
Time to learn how to tie a real noose with a real rope, neckties are for pussies!
Btw, here's a video of one of my favorite song...
It's called No Mans' Woman (I'm a No Womans' Man!)
p/s: i remembered seeing this video way way back in the late nineties... I love Sinead o'Connor enough to recognize her voice after hearing five seconds of her voice... I love the music video, she's beautiful in it... I remembered saying to my sister... "Tengok tu... sinead O'Connor ni cantik aaa... Rambut dia dah panjang..." (That's the moment she pulled off her wig... hehehe... Me and my sister bergolek-golek gelak depan TV... Dang!)
p/s 2: (ala2 ps2 the playstation la pulok) I think for next year I'll live by this motto: My car, my life, my dick, my business...
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Whatever I said...
So the story ended with... He lived miserably ever after...Then the sequel started with a recap of what happened in the first movie... It was all a bad dream.
Hehehe....
p/s: That's me still not in my right mind... Smoking at the offices' back stair... Got that Altantuya/Paris Hilton Gucci Shades for only RM15, Baju is RM29.90, New Earring RM23.90, Jeans RM29.90, No underwear... Muahahaha.... Anyway, Something that stroked my fancy....
Umbrella... ella... ella... ella... eh, eh, eh....
Sunday, December 16, 2007
I'll Remember Today
It's funny how some people can sleep at night after breaking someone elses' heart.
Alive but...
I received a text message earlier... A disturbing one...
But before I go into the text message, lemme tell you what happened about an hour before my phone goes off beeping incoming message...
I showered (as usual...
I tend to get emotional in the bathroom, So it was a long bath) and thought to myself, a big mug of coffee with something extra (dont ask!) might do me good.
I tend to get emotional in the bathroom, So it was a long bath) and thought to myself, a big mug of coffee with something extra (dont ask!) might do me good.
But then I realised I'm out of creamer...
So I went out and drove to the shop...
That's the time when my phone goes off amidst the blaring speaker playing david Ushers' Black Black Heart and the air was thick with ciggy smoke.
That's the time when my phone goes off amidst the blaring speaker playing david Ushers' Black Black Heart and the air was thick with ciggy smoke.
It reads:
U, I just broke up. I really need some one to talk to. I think I'm going to hurt myself.
U, I just broke up. I really need some one to talk to. I think I'm going to hurt myself.
Poor soul.
Lemme rephrase that... Damn stupid bastard, I TOLD U SO...
As if I dont have my own problems to think about, believe me... I have enough. More than I can handle.
There...
So I threw my phone inside the car, went out and bought my creamer and I also bought summore coffee, although I had bought a pack recently, but it's just so annoying to feel like having coffee with creamer and lots of sugar and suddenly realising that you're out of either sugar, or coffee or creamer.
Anyway after buying the creamer, I got into my car, started the engine and drove.
I was lost in my train of thoughts when I realised... I was already at the dark, dark road behind the airport.
Scary.
I didn't even remember driving that far.
So I turned around and drove back to Kuah. Here's the best part. I remembered driving home and reaching Kuah. But then I realised I passed the junction to my house and suddenly I'm at the Jetty Point!
So I turned around and drove back to Kuah. Here's the best part. I remembered driving home and reaching Kuah. But then I realised I passed the junction to my house and suddenly I'm at the Jetty Point!
Twice in one night.
So anyway, the moral behind this story is that... There is no moral in life... It's just people trying to fit into what most people think is right.
And for some people, they just dont care. They dont care what they say or do is hurting other people in a bad bad way.
Wounded skin dries up, heals, maybe leaving a scar.
And you'd ask me... "Do I look like I care?"
The truth is, you did look like you cared, but you didn't care at all.
I fell for it.
Thank you.
Now I know.
As our starsign said- the most unlikely union... One of you might just go out to the store and never come back...
One of these days, you'll get back what you gave.
Do I look like I care?
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I'll Be Alright...
I'll Be Alright : Anggun
Tell me is it worth the pain
When our pride plays the wrong game
Blinded by suspicious mind
Thought u could read my heart and cross the line
In everything u see
Keep everything back me
Though my broken heart,
tear my dreams apart
I'll be alright
I'll be alright
Just a broken heart,
not a word to fight
I'll be alright
I'll be alright
Deep that bad taste in your mouth
Half your truth stay on your side
Unleash all your demons free
They've been hiding
All that u've refused to see
Take everything back me
Though my broken heart,
tear my dreams apart
I'll be alright
I'll be alright
Just a broken heart,
not a word to fight
I'll be alrightI'll be alright
Obvious inside
I'll be alright
Through the years,
many tearsI have wasted
I've moved on, moving on
Can't erase
can't replaced
What I've tasted
Life's goes on,
an on...
p/s: I am in my self destruct mode. Spiralling downward in accelerating speed. Gaining momentum, looking forward to hit the bottom.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Post LIMA2007 Jitters... Enam2007
Yesterday I went to Pantai Pasir Tengkorak.
Alone. No plans. Just start the car and drove there.
With the top open and my Paris Hilton shades (locally known as spek mata Altantuya).
Maybe I was bored. Maybe I am boring. I bore mkyself to death.
That's nothing new.
I am known to get bored easily. It's like when I'm paying attention to something, it'll be like it/he/she is the centre of the world but then when the darkness of boredom descends... Hehehe... Mati la ko kat situ...
Anyway, back to my unplanned trip, I thought I would be alone there, but there are still leftover tourists hanging out there. I met Ms. Suriati and her BF with Ms. Wan (Anggun look-a-like but sleeker, less curvy) from KL. She's cool.
Went makan (well actually melantak gila babas) at DJ Sham Beach Corner. I think I made people nervous as the waitress actually spilled, no, poured a whole glass of Kopi Ais onto my laps. Dang! Anyway, we tried those Nasi Ayam Thai (Yellow spiced rice with chicken), then shared Nasi Goreng Belacan (that got A+ for presentation, B for Taste- Maybe because we kenyang already). Ms. Suriati belanja! Muahaha... Makan pree hehehe!
Anyway, long story short (too late!)... PIX!
Some of the more interesting LIMA2007 pix...
I'll call this "Dead, Deader, Dumb and Uninteresting".
Alone. No plans. Just start the car and drove there.
With the top open and my Paris Hilton shades (locally known as spek mata Altantuya).
Maybe I was bored. Maybe I am boring. I bore mkyself to death.
That's nothing new.
I am known to get bored easily. It's like when I'm paying attention to something, it'll be like it/he/she is the centre of the world but then when the darkness of boredom descends... Hehehe... Mati la ko kat situ...
Anyway, back to my unplanned trip, I thought I would be alone there, but there are still leftover tourists hanging out there. I met Ms. Suriati and her BF with Ms. Wan (Anggun look-a-like but sleeker, less curvy) from KL. She's cool.
Went makan (well actually melantak gila babas) at DJ Sham Beach Corner. I think I made people nervous as the waitress actually spilled, no, poured a whole glass of Kopi Ais onto my laps. Dang! Anyway, we tried those Nasi Ayam Thai (Yellow spiced rice with chicken), then shared Nasi Goreng Belacan (that got A+ for presentation, B for Taste- Maybe because we kenyang already). Ms. Suriati belanja! Muahaha... Makan pree hehehe!
Anyway, long story short (too late!)... PIX!
Some of the more interesting LIMA2007 pix...
I'll call this "Dead, Deader, Dumb and Uninteresting".Dead (the red soft coral thingy that looks like fern frond), Deader (that cockle shell), Dumb and Uninteresting (the concrete block)...
Gloomy day adding reminding me, no matter how bleak my day is, there's always some ugly kid, unattended by his parents, playing sand somewhere...
Some moss and a tree with serious skin condition, accordring to Ms. Suriati, the locals call this Pokok Gelam. There are 2 versions, one red as shown above, the other one is pink and fragrant (must be one of those feminine tree!)
Gloomy day adding reminding me, no matter how bleak my day is, there's always some ugly kid, unattended by his parents, playing sand somewhere... (I know I'm not making any sense, but great poets always do this, to sound poetic).
Me trying to be artistic with my point and shoot camera.
Some kind of wild Hoya sp. I saw flower stalks but no flower.
Me trying to be artistic with my point and shoot camera. I'll call this one "Woody, Stoney and Sandy".
Some kind of wild Hoya sp. I saw flower stalks but no flower. 
Some moss and a tree with serious skin condition, accordring to Ms. Suriati, the locals call this Pokok Gelam. There are 2 versions, one red as shown above, the other one is pink and fragrant (must be one of those feminine tree!)Sunday, December 9, 2007
Finally... It ended... Now the pesky local tourists can leave...
They say you cant say anything bad about your guest. We've been having lots and lots of people in Langkawi nowdays for LIMA2007. Now that LIMA2007 has ended, they can stop jamming our traffic, crowding our favorite makan haunts, stop making such a long line at the gas station, stop dragging their pesky children to cross the road, the children are hideous! They can get lost, good. (I am not saying anything bad as I end my last statement with "good", right?)
Here's some pix of LIMA2007. Lesson learned.
Hope to see you outside of Langkawi in 2009.
Abang Jan (McJan) and Me with Kereta Kebal (Kebal... Not Kabel... Lain tu)
I saw this Dragonfly... Damn huge... Damn noisy too
LIMA2007 ended with a success, behind the scene, well that's a different story...
Here is an artistic redention of how I felt...
A pix of my own shadow on the hot blazing tarmac. Note that the yellow line is my patience limit...
Dangerously tested.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Horror Serkup.... Yeah Rite...
ZODIAC SIGNS
Once you have read this thread, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist predictions.
Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line.
This is real deal, try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning and it only gets worse from there.
ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (Hmm... No wonder my past loves were mostly Arians...)
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (I used to date a Taurean too)
GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
(Hehehe... Hahaha... Hihihi... Sat, nak komen...
Nice(???!!!).
Love is one of a kind (More like 1 kind for each lovers, usually simultaenously).
Great listeners (Oooo... you mean they're great in preteding that they are listening...)
Very Good in the you know where (Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh YES!!!)...
Lover not a fighter (the tongue is mightier than the sword, a real sword!), but will still knock you out (with insults and accusations).
Trustworthy(totally unreliable... If he/she goes out to buy something on Sunday, dont expect them to come back until the next Saturday, learn to live with that, and you'll be OK).
Always happy (in public, if he/she lives with you, you'll understand what I'm talking about).
Loud (Nope... No moaning, no huffing/puffing).
Talkative (if he/she not making fun of you, then maybe he/she making fun of someone else, or maybe complaining about work, then continue complaining about body aches, then complaining about you not listening to what he/she is complaining about...).
Outgoing (with other people)
VERY FORGIVING (after you've pleaded, begged, cried your heart out, after seven working days).
Loves to make out (mine's must be defective... Always trying to avoid IT using lame excuses...).
Has a beautiful smile (TRUE).
Generous (errr? You mean when they go shopping for themselves?).
Strong (YEAP).
THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE (I'm dumbfounded in a good way). 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward. )
p/s: I'm dating 1 at the moment.
CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER.
Very high appeal.
Love is one of a kind.
Very romantic.
Most caring person you will ever meet!
Entirely creative.
Extremely random (random as in not in anyway reffering to random sexually) and proud of it.
Freak.
Spontaneous.
Great telling stories.
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it.
Someone you should hold on to. (This worth repeating a few times more... Someone you should hold on to. Someone you should hold on to. Someone you should hold on to. )
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (The person who did this study and wrote this is a REAL genius!)
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
VIRGO - The One That Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with.. you might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke Very Good sense of humour. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward
PISCES - The Partner For Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Centre of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humour!!! Thoughtful. Always lets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
Once you have read this thread, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist predictions.
Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line.
This is real deal, try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning and it only gets worse from there.
ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (Hmm... No wonder my past loves were mostly Arians...)
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (I used to date a Taurean too)
GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
(Hehehe... Hahaha... Hihihi... Sat, nak komen...
Nice(???!!!).
Love is one of a kind (More like 1 kind for each lovers, usually simultaenously).
Great listeners (Oooo... you mean they're great in preteding that they are listening...)
Very Good in the you know where (Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh YES!!!)...
Lover not a fighter (the tongue is mightier than the sword, a real sword!), but will still knock you out (with insults and accusations).
Trustworthy(totally unreliable... If he/she goes out to buy something on Sunday, dont expect them to come back until the next Saturday, learn to live with that, and you'll be OK).
Always happy (in public, if he/she lives with you, you'll understand what I'm talking about).
Loud (Nope... No moaning, no huffing/puffing).
Talkative (if he/she not making fun of you, then maybe he/she making fun of someone else, or maybe complaining about work, then continue complaining about body aches, then complaining about you not listening to what he/she is complaining about...).
Outgoing (with other people)
VERY FORGIVING (after you've pleaded, begged, cried your heart out, after seven working days).
Loves to make out (mine's must be defective... Always trying to avoid IT using lame excuses...).
Has a beautiful smile (TRUE).
Generous (errr? You mean when they go shopping for themselves?).
Strong (YEAP).
THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE (I'm dumbfounded in a good way). 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward. )
p/s: I'm dating 1 at the moment.
CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER.
Very high appeal.
Love is one of a kind.
Very romantic.
Most caring person you will ever meet!
Entirely creative.
Extremely random (random as in not in anyway reffering to random sexually) and proud of it.
Freak.
Spontaneous.
Great telling stories.
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it.
Someone you should hold on to. (This worth repeating a few times more... Someone you should hold on to. Someone you should hold on to. Someone you should hold on to. )
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (The person who did this study and wrote this is a REAL genius!)
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
VIRGO - The One That Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with.. you might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke Very Good sense of humour. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward
PISCES - The Partner For Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Centre of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humour!!! Thoughtful. Always lets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Five Months of Pure Ecstacy and Some Torture
It's the fifth month of my relationship/relationshit with A. We didn't really say it when it all began and now it feels like the end as we're both so very extremely busy with our carreer... Right! Such a lame excuse...
Anyway, latest update on my life... I cleaned the house. Bought a coffee table for two (now am storing away the other chair as I don't think I'll be needing it), bought 2 bedside lamps with bedside tables, bought a huge mirror, called maids to clean the house and just now, I bought myself a new wallet and a painters' set to keep me busy- just living a normal guys' life.
My pc broke down.
My love life is falling apart but that's nothing new. You win some, you lose some.
I sent my pc to the shop and they recovered all my old old files. That's the winning part... Anyway, nothing new. I can't imagine living for a thousand years like this. Too static. Am going crazy.
As I said earlier on, when it all began we didn't actually say "relationship starts now", so I guess it doesn't matter if there's still something, if anything left to save. i'm not holding on, I'm not letting go. I think I'll just let it be.
Song for the moment: Roxettes' The Sweet Hello and Sad Goodbye.
Red like fire was the day i met you.
I tell you now, there are no regrets.
In this room there are many memories.
Some are good, some i try to forget.
I thought we were the chosen ones,
Who were supposed to fly.
We're very much the same, you and i.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we seem to run and hide.
And i can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
My heart was like a runaway train, babe.
I don't believe i've ever felt more alive.
In this room i hear voices linger.
We never talked about the price.
You know you're not the only one,
Who knows how to cry.
We're very much the same, you and i.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we run away and hide.
And i can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
We're very much the same, you and i.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we run away and hide.
And i can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
A Blast from the Past... I Exploded Right Here... Right Now...
Used to sing along to this one... Years back... Funny how now after years passed, it's still hauntingly meaningful... Shit at the moment is known as feces or simply shit... Fossilised shit is called coprolite... right!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Mistakes...
One mistake...
Two mistakes...
Three mistakes...
Four mistakes...
Five... Should've stopped now... Six... Maybe oil and water will never mix... Seven... Feels like hell though people say it's heaven... Eight... I'm getting tired of the late night wait... Nine... Who am I kidding... Things will never be fine... Ten... I'll stop now... Thank you...
Two mistakes...
Three mistakes...
Four mistakes...
Five... Should've stopped now... Six... Maybe oil and water will never mix... Seven... Feels like hell though people say it's heaven... Eight... I'm getting tired of the late night wait... Nine... Who am I kidding... Things will never be fine... Ten... I'll stop now... Thank you...
Monday, November 12, 2007
Err... Listen to Your Heart... NO... Listen to Your Frens...
I wont comment on this...
Narrator/Cameraman/camerawoman is Ms. Halina.
Sexy Smouldering Male Nurse= Me
Bomoh Urut= Uncle Nagamas
Victim= Ms. Mirinda
p/s: No Mirinda was harmed during the making of this movie. She got injured earlier that day. :D
(Trying hard not to laugh at friends... becos friends always laugh together, so she was laughing, then it's ok to laugh with her)...
Maybe my life isn't as bleak as I thought. Colorful people as friends. I guess I'm lucky.
Love life is ok... So and so. Still adjusting to each others' different temperament and discovering "new things"... *blush. Muahaha!
Workwise... I love my job... Seriously, I love the money, I dont care about the job.
Personal life... Bought a new bed with spring matress, bought a wardrobe cupboard, a dresser, a big mirror, coffee table for two... I repeat for two... Bedside tables, a pair of shade lamps... Almost bought an Apple I-Book (arggghhh!!! The reason I'm writing this down is to get it out of my head!) hehehe...
Ok, love to stay up and write summore but then again... I'm tired and sleepy, tomorrow at 9am got a meeting at the office then continue with normal work... It's gonna be hell under flourocent lights at the office. Am going to water the plants and go to bed.
Narrator/Cameraman/camerawoman is Ms. Halina.
Sexy Smouldering Male Nurse= Me
Bomoh Urut= Uncle Nagamas
Victim= Ms. Mirinda
p/s: No Mirinda was harmed during the making of this movie. She got injured earlier that day. :D
(Trying hard not to laugh at friends... becos friends always laugh together, so she was laughing, then it's ok to laugh with her)...
Maybe my life isn't as bleak as I thought. Colorful people as friends. I guess I'm lucky.
Love life is ok... So and so. Still adjusting to each others' different temperament and discovering "new things"... *blush. Muahaha!
Workwise... I love my job... Seriously, I love the money, I dont care about the job.
Personal life... Bought a new bed with spring matress, bought a wardrobe cupboard, a dresser, a big mirror, coffee table for two... I repeat for two... Bedside tables, a pair of shade lamps... Almost bought an Apple I-Book (arggghhh!!! The reason I'm writing this down is to get it out of my head!) hehehe...
Ok, love to stay up and write summore but then again... I'm tired and sleepy, tomorrow at 9am got a meeting at the office then continue with normal work... It's gonna be hell under flourocent lights at the office. Am going to water the plants and go to bed.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Press Play, Pause, Stop or Eject, No Fast Forward, No Rewind
That was me, at an eatery in Langkawi not trying to look cute and happy.
Me and Ms. Mirinda...
Enough about the pix, it's just a snapshot of life. A small fraction of life, captured in those pixels that combines together to form a picture.
Right. I'm not making sense, I know.
But at times, you just grab whatever stuff flying through your mind and put in down in writing, no... Not in writing, more like in typing, trying to catch up with your mind and then realising that it's too fast for you or your fingers trying to type whatever you see, it just gives you headache.
So let's just take a deep breath and stop thinking for a while.
.
.
.
Ok, now that's better. Does it?
My life sux.
I used to have a real one. My own. It's gone. I'm living somebody elses', I messed that one too. So now what? Should I go forward? Backward? Take a side-step? Stop here? Continue? Life's full of tough choices in it.
I dont know, I don't care.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
It's been that long....
Fuh...
Last updated October 20 this year? It's been that long meh? That's long.
Me still alive... Surviving...
That's me and "My Twin" Muahaha... yeah right...
Me (pretending that I am)having fun while working... I'm so good at it (true for both work and pretending part)
What to say?
Plants thriving... Love life ok... so and so... Sex life... erk? Friends... Ok... Been seeing more and more of them lately... Fans... Erk? (I dont think I have any)... Work (Takmo komen langsung!) House (semak... as usual... Now cleaning for two.... lagi ler bertambah-tambah semak)... Domestic affairs (I'm foreign... Wakakaka)... Udah... Boring dok lama2 depan PC... Got to do something...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Hurm... Heh... Haha...
That's me.
Tak mandi. Gosok gigi pun tidak. Pakai selipar jamban. No underwear. 7 in the morning, half-way to the summit of Gunung Raya. On the 9th day of Aidilfitri.
Nothing to do.
Bored. Lonely. Bored.
Too much pent-up frustration.
Posing with my car, unwashed since my birthday. That'll be since July. Caught on phone camera propped on road divider.
Dont I look hot?
Muahaha...
Monday, October 15, 2007
First Time, Second Time...
In the midst of my mental restlesness, I chopped off my hair a week short of it's third year... Still feel a stab of regret.
Earlier today, after work, I pierced both of my earlobes. I thought it would calm the urge but the urge is still here. What am I to do? I'm in my self-destructive phase.
Anyway, happy holidays everybody.
Earlier today, after work, I pierced both of my earlobes. I thought it would calm the urge but the urge is still here. What am I to do? I'm in my self-destructive phase.
Anyway, happy holidays everybody.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
I Often Ask Myself... Am I That Lucky
This relationship between me and A happens because of mishaps...
One after another, we grew closer and closer.
Now I think it's time to move on to the next phase. Maybe whatever that we have now will grow into something more... Maybe it'll cool down and melt and seeps through the holes in our lives...
Maybe.
I'm beyond that "What If" phase. Now it's "If I Let Go Of This, Will It Still Be There?" phase.
Things changes. From good to bad to good and back. Nothing into something, then maybe into something else.
My birthday wish has come true.
So now what?
So now I'm going to sit back and wait and see and maybe I'll risk losing A. I think if you love someone, you should let him or her free.
Song of the moment (although this one's a wee bit old, it has been with me since late 90s)
Kita bertemu
Di batasan waktu
Mengenal ertinya rindu
Indah menyatu
Kasih mu kasih ku
Di bawah awan setuju
Cinta yang ku dambakan
Sekian lama
Kini datang mengisi halaman
Menghidupkan kembali
Ruang nan sunyi
Kau yang memberi
Kau menghiasi
Hidup seindah mimpi
( korus )
Ke sayup bintang ku lepaskan
Segala resah di jiwa bersama mu
Ingin daku mengecapi bahagia
Ke sayup pandang ku letakkan
Harapan yang bermakna
Kau yang ku cinta
Kau yang bertakhta
Kau segalanya
Di mata dan hati ini
Indah cintamu
Seindah pelangi
Setelah rintik gerimis
Aku lena menyusur
Hari berganti
Tidak ingin lepaskan kau pergi
Kaulah kerlipan sakti
Yang menyinari
Moga abadi
Terus bersemi
Hingga ke akhir nanti
( ulang korus 2X )
Selamanya
One after another, we grew closer and closer.
Now I think it's time to move on to the next phase. Maybe whatever that we have now will grow into something more... Maybe it'll cool down and melt and seeps through the holes in our lives...
Maybe.
I'm beyond that "What If" phase. Now it's "If I Let Go Of This, Will It Still Be There?" phase.
Things changes. From good to bad to good and back. Nothing into something, then maybe into something else.
My birthday wish has come true.
So now what?
So now I'm going to sit back and wait and see and maybe I'll risk losing A. I think if you love someone, you should let him or her free.
Song of the moment (although this one's a wee bit old, it has been with me since late 90s)
Kita bertemu
Di batasan waktu
Mengenal ertinya rindu
Indah menyatu
Kasih mu kasih ku
Di bawah awan setuju
Cinta yang ku dambakan
Sekian lama
Kini datang mengisi halaman
Menghidupkan kembali
Ruang nan sunyi
Kau yang memberi
Kau menghiasi
Hidup seindah mimpi
( korus )
Ke sayup bintang ku lepaskan
Segala resah di jiwa bersama mu
Ingin daku mengecapi bahagia
Ke sayup pandang ku letakkan
Harapan yang bermakna
Kau yang ku cinta
Kau yang bertakhta
Kau segalanya
Di mata dan hati ini
Indah cintamu
Seindah pelangi
Setelah rintik gerimis
Aku lena menyusur
Hari berganti
Tidak ingin lepaskan kau pergi
Kaulah kerlipan sakti
Yang menyinari
Moga abadi
Terus bersemi
Hingga ke akhir nanti
( ulang korus 2X )
Selamanya
Sunday, October 7, 2007
We tend to do this...
Wah... It's been like ages since I posted anything readable. What to do? Been busy. Going to be busier still.
I've endured. I've resisted. I've suffered and enjoyed and suffered and enjoyed. I've ignored, paid attention and back again.
So hari Raya is just around the corner. It's a very small corner after all. I remembered filling up the leave form in April me thinks. Then I remembered cancelling my leave as i dont feel like facing my parents. I mean I love my parents but the M-issue will just get in the way and spoil everything. So I guess it's safer to stay away for a while. A while= almost a year liao. Sighs.
Love life wise... It's getting better. It all started so sweet, then turned sour, now I guess we've both adjusted. Still need lots of improvement tho. But we're getting there. Enough said. I'll keep my love life details as a private matter from now on.
Work wise... I am so tired. Physically and mentally.
Day-to-day-life-wise... I am busy taking care of things and people. The closest to becoming a single parent myself. I do it but that doesn't mean that I have to like it.
There's a saying that goes... It doesn't matter if you win or loose... The person who said that, probably lost. Ehehehehe...
Enough said.
I've endured. I've resisted. I've suffered and enjoyed and suffered and enjoyed. I've ignored, paid attention and back again.
So hari Raya is just around the corner. It's a very small corner after all. I remembered filling up the leave form in April me thinks. Then I remembered cancelling my leave as i dont feel like facing my parents. I mean I love my parents but the M-issue will just get in the way and spoil everything. So I guess it's safer to stay away for a while. A while= almost a year liao. Sighs.
Love life wise... It's getting better. It all started so sweet, then turned sour, now I guess we've both adjusted. Still need lots of improvement tho. But we're getting there. Enough said. I'll keep my love life details as a private matter from now on.
Work wise... I am so tired. Physically and mentally.
Day-to-day-life-wise... I am busy taking care of things and people. The closest to becoming a single parent myself. I do it but that doesn't mean that I have to like it.
There's a saying that goes... It doesn't matter if you win or loose... The person who said that, probably lost. Ehehehehe...
Enough said.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Why Do All Good Things Comes to an End
I had a wonderful dream once. But I woke up and now the dream had died.
Friday, September 28, 2007
For People Who Never Meant What They Say...
I tried making it work. I guess things just wont work.
So bad things happens...
You're sorry, I'm sorry too.
Well, not yet, but you will be.
So bad things happens...
You're sorry, I'm sorry too.
Well, not yet, but you will be.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Something's Missing
Fiction
I left the safety of my house, moving away, just to escape the pain. For a while, I was free. Free from the pain, free from the worries.
Then I got bored, said stupid things, did stupid things.
I promised myself I'd never do the same mistake again. I didn't, I found new mistakes to make.
Fiction.
My horoscope for September 24, 2007
Don't think about things from a political angle -- just listen to your intuition.
Even if bills or other small tasks are pressing, try to direct your energy toward big-picture stuff today. Not only is it more appealing to you, it's also got more good energy helping you push.
My horoscope for September 25, 2007
Plans are shifting -- but don't waste your good energy trying to figure out why.
You are in a more thoughtful mood today and may want to take a chunk of time off from your daily routines to consider your top-level goals and philosophy -- at work, at home or in your life as a whole.
Note to self:
There's a lyric of a song that goes "Why's your life seems so bad, when you're so damn smart?"
I thought I'd share this with you.
What's an Unhealthy Relationship?
A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior.
Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or even abuse each other - emotionally or physically.
For people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK.
It's not! We learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.
Qualities like kindness and respect are an absolute requirement for a healthy relationship.
When these qualities do not exist it is likely that your relationship is unhealthy.
It's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind
Warning Signs of a Unhealthy Relationship
Here's some scary news:
In one survey, 20% of American girls reported having been hit, slapped, or forced into sexual activity by their boyfriends.
And 40% of all teens said they know someone at school who experienced dating violence.
So if you think there's no way it could happen to you or someone you know, think again.
Know the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend make fun of the way I dress and tell me I'd never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend keep me from seeing my friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend want me to stop playing on my sports team, even though he or she knows I love it?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend ever raise his or her hand or act like he or she is about to hit me?
Does he or she try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?
If you can think of any way in which your partner is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or - this is a big one - harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast.
Let a trusted adult know what's going on, and make sure you're safe from this person.
It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence as an expression of love.
But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy.
No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.
Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?
Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself?
It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems.
Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own.
Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.
What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it may be time to think about whether it's a healthy relationship match for you.
Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner.
Relationships if healthy can be one of the best - and most challenging - parts of your world.
They can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too.
Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember it's good to be choosy about who you get close to.
And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.
I left the safety of my house, moving away, just to escape the pain. For a while, I was free. Free from the pain, free from the worries.
Then I got bored, said stupid things, did stupid things.
I promised myself I'd never do the same mistake again. I didn't, I found new mistakes to make.
Fiction.
My horoscope for September 24, 2007
Don't think about things from a political angle -- just listen to your intuition.
Even if bills or other small tasks are pressing, try to direct your energy toward big-picture stuff today. Not only is it more appealing to you, it's also got more good energy helping you push.
My horoscope for September 25, 2007
Plans are shifting -- but don't waste your good energy trying to figure out why.
You are in a more thoughtful mood today and may want to take a chunk of time off from your daily routines to consider your top-level goals and philosophy -- at work, at home or in your life as a whole.
Note to self:
There's a lyric of a song that goes "Why's your life seems so bad, when you're so damn smart?"
I thought I'd share this with you.
What's an Unhealthy Relationship?
A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior.
Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or even abuse each other - emotionally or physically.
For people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK.
It's not! We learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.
Qualities like kindness and respect are an absolute requirement for a healthy relationship.
When these qualities do not exist it is likely that your relationship is unhealthy.
It's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind
Warning Signs of a Unhealthy Relationship
Here's some scary news:
In one survey, 20% of American girls reported having been hit, slapped, or forced into sexual activity by their boyfriends.
And 40% of all teens said they know someone at school who experienced dating violence.
So if you think there's no way it could happen to you or someone you know, think again.
Know the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend make fun of the way I dress and tell me I'd never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend keep me from seeing my friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend want me to stop playing on my sports team, even though he or she knows I love it?
Does my boyfriend or girlfriend ever raise his or her hand or act like he or she is about to hit me?
Does he or she try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?
If you can think of any way in which your partner is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or - this is a big one - harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast.
Let a trusted adult know what's going on, and make sure you're safe from this person.
It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence as an expression of love.
But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy.
No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.
Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?
Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself?
It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems.
Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own.
Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.
What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it may be time to think about whether it's a healthy relationship match for you.
Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner.
Relationships if healthy can be one of the best - and most challenging - parts of your world.
They can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too.
Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember it's good to be choosy about who you get close to.
And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.
Monday, September 24, 2007
The Concept of Marriage (That I Cant Grasp)
So here I am... at 3.20 in the wee hours... Not sleeping tho I am working later at noon... Thinking about stuff. What kind of stuff? Well marriage for one. Yeap.. Marriage... I am thinking about... Mmmm... Marriage... Scary stuff...
Reality check here... My mom's been nagging me to say yes to... Mmmm... Marriage... Of all the females... To my best friends' younger sister... I've known her and her family very well. I know his brother very very well. His family is like my own. So imagine that. Maybe for some people, it's OK, it'll make the whole M thing easier. No hassle. But imagine knowing a girl and seeing her since she was small. You know... Little girl... When she was small... eeee...
Anyway putting her and her family aside. I never understand the concept of marriage. First and foremost... It's about sharing. Sharing everything. The money, time, space, the bed, bathroom, livingroom, car, every-fooking-thing. I can never do that. I need my space. No, I jealously guard my space. Entry passes given for a limited time only.
Some people say that when one is truly in love, one will learn to share.
I am in love at the moment. The most intense love I've ever experienced in my whole adult life...
The main reason it still last past 7 working days is that we both needed our own space.
Being in love at the moment is like pleasure-pain-pleasure-pain thing. It's good when it's good. It sucks when things go bad. In between of course there's the suspicion of both sides, wondering where's the other person and doing what, with whom? Faithful or unfaithful. Should I go and check? If I go check then it's confirmed I kena kencing? So better not check. If you seek, you find, then you tension... Kan? Play safe. Better dont check.
Then of course there's the putting up with one anothers' flaws. People say that you like people because of your similarities, but you love people because of your difference, that makes you both complement one another. Friction. I think it was I who said that. People in love are always inclined to say and do stupid things.
Back to the M-matter... I am in love. I am so in love. With someone. But am not ready to do it. Hmmm... I cant imagine myself as a husband/a father.
Let's think about it.
Husband+Wife=Kids. Lemme rephrase that... Fertile Husband+Fertile Wife+doing the do=Kid(s). I never like kids. Lemme rephrase that too. I hate kids. They're loud, they smells and they cries, loud! I used to say I can't mate in captivity. Now I'd rather not mate at all. But who will take care of poor old me when I'm old? Imagine being old and broke... Who will take care of the poor old me? Maybe it's time to register for organ donation. But I'll keep my lungs when I'm dead. My heart too. They can have everything else. I wonder if they'll accept a living donor? Just gas me unconcious and hack me to pieces and bury the remain. Easier typed than done.
I dont like other peoples' kids. I cant imagine myself liking my own.
Ok... Maybe it's too early to think about children. Back a few steps for a bit. Marriage. It's such a life-long commitment. Most of my friends are married, with kids. Most of them are not happy. Some are happy. Outside. Enough said.
Ok. I tortured myself enough thinking about this subject. I'm going to bed.
Kesimpulannya: Kesimpulannya masih bersimpul.
Reality check here... My mom's been nagging me to say yes to... Mmmm... Marriage... Of all the females... To my best friends' younger sister... I've known her and her family very well. I know his brother very very well. His family is like my own. So imagine that. Maybe for some people, it's OK, it'll make the whole M thing easier. No hassle. But imagine knowing a girl and seeing her since she was small. You know... Little girl... When she was small... eeee...
Anyway putting her and her family aside. I never understand the concept of marriage. First and foremost... It's about sharing. Sharing everything. The money, time, space, the bed, bathroom, livingroom, car, every-fooking-thing. I can never do that. I need my space. No, I jealously guard my space. Entry passes given for a limited time only.
Some people say that when one is truly in love, one will learn to share.
I am in love at the moment. The most intense love I've ever experienced in my whole adult life...
The main reason it still last past 7 working days is that we both needed our own space.
Being in love at the moment is like pleasure-pain-pleasure-pain thing. It's good when it's good. It sucks when things go bad. In between of course there's the suspicion of both sides, wondering where's the other person and doing what, with whom? Faithful or unfaithful. Should I go and check? If I go check then it's confirmed I kena kencing? So better not check. If you seek, you find, then you tension... Kan? Play safe. Better dont check.
Then of course there's the putting up with one anothers' flaws. People say that you like people because of your similarities, but you love people because of your difference, that makes you both complement one another. Friction. I think it was I who said that. People in love are always inclined to say and do stupid things.
Back to the M-matter... I am in love. I am so in love. With someone. But am not ready to do it. Hmmm... I cant imagine myself as a husband/a father.
Let's think about it.
Husband+Wife=Kids. Lemme rephrase that... Fertile Husband+Fertile Wife+doing the do=Kid(s). I never like kids. Lemme rephrase that too. I hate kids. They're loud, they smells and they cries, loud! I used to say I can't mate in captivity. Now I'd rather not mate at all. But who will take care of poor old me when I'm old? Imagine being old and broke... Who will take care of the poor old me? Maybe it's time to register for organ donation. But I'll keep my lungs when I'm dead. My heart too. They can have everything else. I wonder if they'll accept a living donor? Just gas me unconcious and hack me to pieces and bury the remain. Easier typed than done.
I dont like other peoples' kids. I cant imagine myself liking my own.
Ok... Maybe it's too early to think about children. Back a few steps for a bit. Marriage. It's such a life-long commitment. Most of my friends are married, with kids. Most of them are not happy. Some are happy. Outside. Enough said.
Ok. I tortured myself enough thinking about this subject. I'm going to bed.
Kesimpulannya: Kesimpulannya masih bersimpul.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Feelin Great vs Feeling Crappy
Fiction.
So this is a difficult relationship...
I need security and the other person wants freedom.
So what's next, we both need to go down halfway and meet somewhere in the middle.
No?
Ok, you just stay where you are and I'll go down a couple of notches below my standard(s) and meet you there? No?
Then maybe, if you could just tell me what exactly that you want...
No? Yes?
Anybody ever wondered what is it that I want? No body asked, so nobody wants to know.
But that's not important.What i want isn't important. To you. To them. To everybody.
I was told, if you don't do something with your life, you'd die for nothing. Do things, you'd die anyway. Everybody dies. You, me, everybody. We're all dying. We're doing it now. So do it matter?
Life's like a flight of stairs. Going up going down. Jumping off is optional. Skipping a few steps is optional too. Falling down and breaking your nose is optional too. One dont have to do it if one didn't want to.
I mean you feed what you want to survive and starve what you want to kill. So what if it's like the other way around? Impossible? No. Just difficult. Understandable but confusing? Right.
This isn't about me.
It's about the moonlight shining on drops of dew on a leaf tip, somewhere dark.
Fiction.
The irony of it all is... No matter how low you're feeling, It can be fun looking down at people... I am going too deep... Enough already...
So am I being cruel? I dont think so... Fook what everybody else thinks... They don't give me money.
My horoscope says... September 21, 2007
Today's events might catch you a bit off guard, but you can regain balance easily.
Especially when you're on the job, you find that you have a hard time keeping up appearances. You may need to take a half-day, or find some new and clever way to show the public your best face.
September 22, 2007
Keeping more of your money is something you're close to figuring out how to do.
Your emotional nature may get the better of you at some point today, but others may not even notice! They all seem a little robotic -- which may be part of the problem -- and are just going about their business.
So this is a difficult relationship...
I need security and the other person wants freedom.
So what's next, we both need to go down halfway and meet somewhere in the middle.
No?
Ok, you just stay where you are and I'll go down a couple of notches below my standard(s) and meet you there? No?
Then maybe, if you could just tell me what exactly that you want...
No? Yes?
Anybody ever wondered what is it that I want? No body asked, so nobody wants to know.
But that's not important.What i want isn't important. To you. To them. To everybody.
I was told, if you don't do something with your life, you'd die for nothing. Do things, you'd die anyway. Everybody dies. You, me, everybody. We're all dying. We're doing it now. So do it matter?
Life's like a flight of stairs. Going up going down. Jumping off is optional. Skipping a few steps is optional too. Falling down and breaking your nose is optional too. One dont have to do it if one didn't want to.
I mean you feed what you want to survive and starve what you want to kill. So what if it's like the other way around? Impossible? No. Just difficult. Understandable but confusing? Right.
This isn't about me.
It's about the moonlight shining on drops of dew on a leaf tip, somewhere dark.
Fiction.
The irony of it all is... No matter how low you're feeling, It can be fun looking down at people... I am going too deep... Enough already...
So am I being cruel? I dont think so... Fook what everybody else thinks... They don't give me money.
My horoscope says... September 21, 2007
Today's events might catch you a bit off guard, but you can regain balance easily.
Especially when you're on the job, you find that you have a hard time keeping up appearances. You may need to take a half-day, or find some new and clever way to show the public your best face.
September 22, 2007
Keeping more of your money is something you're close to figuring out how to do.
Your emotional nature may get the better of you at some point today, but others may not even notice! They all seem a little robotic -- which may be part of the problem -- and are just going about their business.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Me goin extra Ga Ga nowdays
My horoscope today says September 19, 2007
Your flirty side may not feel like coming out today, but others are flirting away!
While everything seems to be fine on the surface, you may need to work on some personal issue that has been nagging at you lately. You've certainly got the right mindset for it now, so take all the time you need!
Bad Moment OST
The Words
Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming
[Chorus:]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.
Note to self: Aiya! Am not depressed, am not depressed... Am not... Who am I kidding? Self empowerment only works with school students...
But this time am not depressed with depressing matters. It's about dealing with absence. It's about how the heart grows fonder when the other person is not there, it makes one wanna fondles something... Astaga! Posa la... Ish...
Speaking of puasa... After almost a week of posa, I dono la... I mean I posa, it's cool to posa and go to work... But since my schedule is like rongak (1 day working, 1 day off, 1 day working, 1 day off, 1 day working, 2 days off- that's rongak) I find myself getting bored when I'm at home.
Raided the fridge today and found (GASPS!) an unopened packets of condoms in my fridge... Lakhabau sungguh, I know who put it there, not telling, but it was like ages since this crazy dude visited me in Langkawi. Patut la time nak blah dulu beriya-iya salam mintak ampun... Swinging Bowl sungguh... Hampehs. Sabo je la...
You see la, with these kind of people as my friend... No wonder I dont have much friends...
Unopened packets of condoms aside, the content of the fridge was like surprising, I went like... Hmmm... peanuts... now when did I bought those? (Toss into the black garbage bag) Pistachioes... Hmmm didn't remember buying them (Toss into the black garbage bag), achovies... how did these get here (Toss into the black garbage bag)... Lemons... Ni sapa plak beli ni? (Toss into the black garbage bag)... Errr, what is this? (Toss into the black garbage bag)... So in the end, I got an almost empty fridge and 1 bulging black garbage bag...
By the way, I paid my car insurrance already, I'm yet to pay for the house rental and the tipon bills and tenet bills... Almost broke... Adula...
Okla... Imsak finish already, wanna go to bed... Later kerja plak... Huargh!
Before I go back to bed and god knows when I'll have the time and interest to update this blog thingy, I'd love to dedicate this raya song to...
Cehs...
Anyway, it's just something that came up in my mind at the moment, I post it here so it wont kaco me in real life... We can't stay together, yet we can't be apart... That's painful, that's sweet, well, errr... mostly painful, but sweet...
Hehehe... Ala2 BDSM plak my relationship.
Your flirty side may not feel like coming out today, but others are flirting away!
While everything seems to be fine on the surface, you may need to work on some personal issue that has been nagging at you lately. You've certainly got the right mindset for it now, so take all the time you need!
Bad Moment OST
The Words
Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming
[Chorus:]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.
Note to self: Aiya! Am not depressed, am not depressed... Am not... Who am I kidding? Self empowerment only works with school students...
But this time am not depressed with depressing matters. It's about dealing with absence. It's about how the heart grows fonder when the other person is not there, it makes one wanna fondles something... Astaga! Posa la... Ish...
Speaking of puasa... After almost a week of posa, I dono la... I mean I posa, it's cool to posa and go to work... But since my schedule is like rongak (1 day working, 1 day off, 1 day working, 1 day off, 1 day working, 2 days off- that's rongak) I find myself getting bored when I'm at home.
Raided the fridge today and found (GASPS!) an unopened packets of condoms in my fridge... Lakhabau sungguh, I know who put it there, not telling, but it was like ages since this crazy dude visited me in Langkawi. Patut la time nak blah dulu beriya-iya salam mintak ampun... Swinging Bowl sungguh... Hampehs. Sabo je la...
You see la, with these kind of people as my friend... No wonder I dont have much friends...
Unopened packets of condoms aside, the content of the fridge was like surprising, I went like... Hmmm... peanuts... now when did I bought those? (Toss into the black garbage bag) Pistachioes... Hmmm didn't remember buying them (Toss into the black garbage bag), achovies... how did these get here (Toss into the black garbage bag)... Lemons... Ni sapa plak beli ni? (Toss into the black garbage bag)... Errr, what is this? (Toss into the black garbage bag)... So in the end, I got an almost empty fridge and 1 bulging black garbage bag...
By the way, I paid my car insurrance already, I'm yet to pay for the house rental and the tipon bills and tenet bills... Almost broke... Adula...
Okla... Imsak finish already, wanna go to bed... Later kerja plak... Huargh!
Before I go back to bed and god knows when I'll have the time and interest to update this blog thingy, I'd love to dedicate this raya song to...
Cehs...
Anyway, it's just something that came up in my mind at the moment, I post it here so it wont kaco me in real life... We can't stay together, yet we can't be apart... That's painful, that's sweet, well, errr... mostly painful, but sweet...
Hehehe... Ala2 BDSM plak my relationship.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Puasa... Hmmm...
Argh.... I've got the flu.... This usually happens during ramadhan.
I'm in desperate need of some tender loving care...
Fell in love, but now not so sure if it's love... I mean like the saying goes... Lust can be sated... But love lingers on... Maybe it's lust... On a higher dose.
Next time when you make a wish, becareful of what you wished for because it might just come true but not the way you want it to be...
Enough said...
Anyway... Bad Moment OST for the moment...
Wild World- Mr. Big
La...la...la...la...la
Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you want to start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby I'm grieving
And if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
A lot of nice things turn bad out there
Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
(yeah...) oh baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child girl
You know I've seen a lot of
What the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Coz I never want to see you sad girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
Just remember there's
A lot of bad and beware
La...la...la...la...la...baby I love you.
I'm-trying-to-cheer-myself-up Song
Ghita- Cleopatra Stratan....
Uwaaaaaa.... It's not working.... I'm going to bed...
I'm in desperate need of some tender loving care...
Fell in love, but now not so sure if it's love... I mean like the saying goes... Lust can be sated... But love lingers on... Maybe it's lust... On a higher dose.
Next time when you make a wish, becareful of what you wished for because it might just come true but not the way you want it to be...
Enough said...
Anyway... Bad Moment OST for the moment...
Wild World- Mr. Big
La...la...la...la...la
Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you want to start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby I'm grieving
And if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
A lot of nice things turn bad out there
Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
(yeah...) oh baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child girl
You know I've seen a lot of
What the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Coz I never want to see you sad girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
Just remember there's
A lot of bad and beware
La...la...la...la...la...baby I love you.
I'm-trying-to-cheer-myself-up Song
Ghita- Cleopatra Stratan....
Uwaaaaaa.... It's not working.... I'm going to bed...
Sunday, September 9, 2007
A Merajuk Session Went Wrong
A problem that seems like so unsolvable, suddenly became a joke.
Had 2 days of hell, gave someone hell when this person was trying to make things right again...
Went home after a fooked up session, before going back, did a medley of malays-broken-hearts-you-dont-love-me-i'm-gonna-kill-myself songs and then picked up Kak CT from work Sent her home and went to pick up A. I didn't say anything when there's alot on my mind to be said. None good. So I guess it was OK to diam only.
Anyway, less than half an hour and I felt this big pang of guilt. So I picked up the phone and called A. We drove to THE PLACE and talked about it. Just talk. One person facing east, one facing west. Then I don't know what happened but we both ended up laughing.
Then we watched that Priscilla: The Adventure of theDesert Queen. Typical, halfway and a tummyache, which I think is not real. Blueks... Pandai la u belakon...
When things goes bad, I'd often ask myself "Is It Worth It?", come times like this, I'd probably say "Yes, it is worth it". So guys and gals, if you think you've found the one, or the other one, whatever tickles your fancy, whatever floats your boat, hang on to him or her, let go at least once, then go back and think about it. ARE YOU READY FOR IT? IF YOU'RE NOT SURE, MAYBE WHEN THE TIME COMES, AND YOU'RE READY, MAYBE THE OTHER PERSON WONT BE THERE ANYMORE. Sometimes, jumping into the unknown is the best way to go.
So back to the fight scene... The rest is history. I'm not single anymore. Again. Maybe next week I'll be single... Again... a yo-yo relationship. with lots and lots of ups and downs, mostly downs, but the ups are worth waiting for...
Anyway this one's from my conty that I did a few days back... It doesn't mean anything now but I guess, if it helped me, it might be useful to others...
If you find yourself singing this song....
Just remember the other person might be singing this song back at you....
There's always an answer for every question, usually more than one, it's up to us to pick the best, but sometimes, what's best for us is not what we want and sometimes, what we want isn't the best for us. Pandai la cakap...
Had 2 days of hell, gave someone hell when this person was trying to make things right again...
Went home after a fooked up session, before going back, did a medley of malays-broken-hearts-you-dont-love-me-i'm-gonna-kill-myself songs and then picked up Kak CT from work Sent her home and went to pick up A. I didn't say anything when there's alot on my mind to be said. None good. So I guess it was OK to diam only.
Anyway, less than half an hour and I felt this big pang of guilt. So I picked up the phone and called A. We drove to THE PLACE and talked about it. Just talk. One person facing east, one facing west. Then I don't know what happened but we both ended up laughing.
Then we watched that Priscilla: The Adventure of theDesert Queen. Typical, halfway and a tummyache, which I think is not real. Blueks... Pandai la u belakon...
When things goes bad, I'd often ask myself "Is It Worth It?", come times like this, I'd probably say "Yes, it is worth it". So guys and gals, if you think you've found the one, or the other one, whatever tickles your fancy, whatever floats your boat, hang on to him or her, let go at least once, then go back and think about it. ARE YOU READY FOR IT? IF YOU'RE NOT SURE, MAYBE WHEN THE TIME COMES, AND YOU'RE READY, MAYBE THE OTHER PERSON WONT BE THERE ANYMORE. Sometimes, jumping into the unknown is the best way to go.
So back to the fight scene... The rest is history. I'm not single anymore. Again. Maybe next week I'll be single... Again... a yo-yo relationship. with lots and lots of ups and downs, mostly downs, but the ups are worth waiting for...
Anyway this one's from my conty that I did a few days back... It doesn't mean anything now but I guess, if it helped me, it might be useful to others...
If you find yourself singing this song....
Just remember the other person might be singing this song back at you....
There's always an answer for every question, usually more than one, it's up to us to pick the best, but sometimes, what's best for us is not what we want and sometimes, what we want isn't the best for us. Pandai la cakap...
Friday, September 7, 2007
Cloves as Pain-Killer
My Horoscope says September 07, 2007
Changing your job is fine, but don't assume the new one will be bigger and better. (Yeap, as I always think... making assumuption is making an ass-u-me which translates into making an ass for you and me)
Treat yourself to something nice -- you definitely deserve it! The day's energy might wear on you a bit, so it could be nice to just take a break on your own, though you may want much, much more! (Later I'll take my sleeping pills and crawl under my blankies and stay there until tomorrow)
MyFriends' Horoscope says September 07, 2007
When an intellectual member of the opposite sex puts you on the spot, rise above it!
Be careful with your little jokes, especially this afternoon -- people are far more literal-minded than you may realize! It shouldn't get you in trouble, but it might earn you more than a few funny looks. (You're in trouble, I'm in trouble, we're both in trouble, though not everybody heals as fast as you)
Note to self:
Somebody I know once said to me, if you want to be sure it is love that you think you've found, let it go and if it comes back, then it is love after all, but if you keep letting it go and pushing it away, one day, you'll wake up and love might not be there anymore.
When a wonderful relationship turns sour, start calling it a relationshit for a while... Then flush.
Bad Moment OST for the Moment - Live to Tell by Madonna
And the lyric
I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall
Chorus:
A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, 'till then
It will burn inside of me
I know where beauty lives
I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives
The light that you could never see
It shines inside, you can't take that from me
(chorus)
2nd Chorus:
The truth is never far behind
You kept it hidden well
If I live to tell
The secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again
If I ran away, I'd never have the strength
To go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart
Will it grow cold
The secret that I hide, will I grow old
How will they hear
When will they learn
How will they know
(chorus)
(2nd chorus)
Changing your job is fine, but don't assume the new one will be bigger and better. (Yeap, as I always think... making assumuption is making an ass-u-me which translates into making an ass for you and me)
Treat yourself to something nice -- you definitely deserve it! The day's energy might wear on you a bit, so it could be nice to just take a break on your own, though you may want much, much more! (Later I'll take my sleeping pills and crawl under my blankies and stay there until tomorrow)
MyFriends' Horoscope says September 07, 2007
When an intellectual member of the opposite sex puts you on the spot, rise above it!
Be careful with your little jokes, especially this afternoon -- people are far more literal-minded than you may realize! It shouldn't get you in trouble, but it might earn you more than a few funny looks. (You're in trouble, I'm in trouble, we're both in trouble, though not everybody heals as fast as you)
Note to self:
Somebody I know once said to me, if you want to be sure it is love that you think you've found, let it go and if it comes back, then it is love after all, but if you keep letting it go and pushing it away, one day, you'll wake up and love might not be there anymore.
When a wonderful relationship turns sour, start calling it a relationshit for a while... Then flush.
Bad Moment OST for the Moment - Live to Tell by Madonna
And the lyric
I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall
Chorus:
A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, 'till then
It will burn inside of me
I know where beauty lives
I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives
The light that you could never see
It shines inside, you can't take that from me
(chorus)
2nd Chorus:
The truth is never far behind
You kept it hidden well
If I live to tell
The secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again
If I ran away, I'd never have the strength
To go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart
Will it grow cold
The secret that I hide, will I grow old
How will they hear
When will they learn
How will they know
(chorus)
(2nd chorus)
Thursday, September 6, 2007
A stupid question...
Earlier today, well, my day went as usual... Maybe exciting for some people... But for me it's boring with a capital B. I went to send Kak CT to work, stay at home and didn't do anything at all. Called A, but as usual... short conversation.
Went out makan with Ms. Sufina and Ms. Mirinda. Went to Pantai Cenang to buy some secondhand books with Ms. Mirinda- The title of one of the book she bought was wonderful- The Adultery Club. How sweet.
Came home, called A, again... The conversation was cut short, a few text messages and we ended up fighting... Again... Hmm...
Now I'm in a Is-It-Worth-It-Phase.
Anyway, somewhere in between I was asked by someone who shall never be named- You , know you're going to die right? (Nods) Everybody dies, so what is it that you want to tell the world, your public statement, your excuse, whatever you want to call it, for the live/your time here?
So as I was doing everything I listed as what I did today, my brain was working extra hard to come up with an answer to that question...
"I was born, I grew up, I hated, I loved, I was hated, I was loved, I lived and so I died. I have nothing profound to teach the world."
There... I think that sums up everything for now...
As for the matter of the heart... hmmm... I'm going to bed.
Went out makan with Ms. Sufina and Ms. Mirinda. Went to Pantai Cenang to buy some secondhand books with Ms. Mirinda- The title of one of the book she bought was wonderful- The Adultery Club. How sweet.
Came home, called A, again... The conversation was cut short, a few text messages and we ended up fighting... Again... Hmm...
Now I'm in a Is-It-Worth-It-Phase.
Anyway, somewhere in between I was asked by someone who shall never be named- You , know you're going to die right? (Nods) Everybody dies, so what is it that you want to tell the world, your public statement, your excuse, whatever you want to call it, for the live/your time here?
So as I was doing everything I listed as what I did today, my brain was working extra hard to come up with an answer to that question...
"I was born, I grew up, I hated, I loved, I was hated, I was loved, I lived and so I died. I have nothing profound to teach the world."
There... I think that sums up everything for now...
As for the matter of the heart... hmmm... I'm going to bed.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
From 5 July-Today
Yes, from July 5 to the present day.
First cute dumb sms sent. Been high up and low low down. So today, I've made a decission to sit back and enjoy the roller coaster emotional ride. We never actually did go where we planned to go the first place. But we did go to other places and I think if it ends now, I still got more than what I hoped for. A birthday wish, never spoken but it came true anyway.
As for my personal life at the moment, well, car insurrance went Altantuya already, but I'm driving Mr. Hazanis' car. Still broke broke. Planned to call my dad for logistic help but my sister beat me to it. How did I know? Well, she have the courtesy and called me to tell me about it. Hmmm...
Puasa is just around the corner and I never liked puasa and Raya. It's like you're supposed to go back and spend time with your family but then you dont feel like going back and that makes you feel shitty. You wonder what's wrong with yourself.
And today, to celebrate my 2nd month of being both exhilerated and numb emotionally, simultaenously, I wore the Shrek Headband to work. I put it on as I was walking out of the car, parked at the usual parking space, of course, walked inside the office building and walk through the office, while smiling and greeting my office mates. I worked my whole 3 hours wearing that head band and passed it to Ms. Sufina where she wore it, hopefully throughout her 3 hours... So it's Be Silly/be Shrek day/Be Both Silly and Shrek-ky-ish today...
No use typing long-long... A pix is worth a thousand words... Saves me 2000 words just by posting these 2 pix here...
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+copy.jpg)
My horoscope today says September 05, 2007
After many new beginnings recently, you can expect a few terminations right now.
Are you waiting for a sign before moving on with the next phase of your life (or, on a smaller scale, some new project)? You've definitely got the energy to go for it right now, sign or no sign.
First cute dumb sms sent. Been high up and low low down. So today, I've made a decission to sit back and enjoy the roller coaster emotional ride. We never actually did go where we planned to go the first place. But we did go to other places and I think if it ends now, I still got more than what I hoped for. A birthday wish, never spoken but it came true anyway.
As for my personal life at the moment, well, car insurrance went Altantuya already, but I'm driving Mr. Hazanis' car. Still broke broke. Planned to call my dad for logistic help but my sister beat me to it. How did I know? Well, she have the courtesy and called me to tell me about it. Hmmm...
Puasa is just around the corner and I never liked puasa and Raya. It's like you're supposed to go back and spend time with your family but then you dont feel like going back and that makes you feel shitty. You wonder what's wrong with yourself.
And today, to celebrate my 2nd month of being both exhilerated and numb emotionally, simultaenously, I wore the Shrek Headband to work. I put it on as I was walking out of the car, parked at the usual parking space, of course, walked inside the office building and walk through the office, while smiling and greeting my office mates. I worked my whole 3 hours wearing that head band and passed it to Ms. Sufina where she wore it, hopefully throughout her 3 hours... So it's Be Silly/be Shrek day/Be Both Silly and Shrek-ky-ish today...
No use typing long-long... A pix is worth a thousand words... Saves me 2000 words just by posting these 2 pix here...
.jpg)
+copy.jpg)
My horoscope today says September 05, 2007
After many new beginnings recently, you can expect a few terminations right now.
Are you waiting for a sign before moving on with the next phase of your life (or, on a smaller scale, some new project)? You've definitely got the energy to go for it right now, sign or no sign.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Just for Entertainment
Love the music, love the image... Love em all...
And to qoute someone prominent in carnivorous plants in Malaysia, though I had to tweak a little bit of his words- Carnivorous plants- Unique plants for unique individuals...
That sorta kinda make me feels special...
And knowing myself... I just had to spend hours and hours sifting through links and samples looking for the untitled song... FOUND IT! Muahahaha....
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Another Night Alone...
This feels so not good. Hmmm... First visiting friends, now not feeling so well, what's next?
*Hentak2 kepala kat dinding...
Adei...
There's a saying that I made up... And it goes something like this- Sell a man a fish, he'll eat it for a day (assuming he's not like me, cos I dont frigging eat a frigging fish), teach a man how to fish, a wonderful business opportunity will be ruined.
*Hentak2 kepala kat dinding...
Adei...
There's a saying that I made up... And it goes something like this- Sell a man a fish, he'll eat it for a day (assuming he's not like me, cos I dont frigging eat a frigging fish), teach a man how to fish, a wonderful business opportunity will be ruined.
A Story Worth RM80 Plus a Good Depression
I've been idle lately. Remembering what I did, what I should've done.
I remembered stuff. Stuff that I forgotten. Though I wasn't really trying. But I guess as the tide of time and space ebbs and flows, situation changes, it just kinda slipped from my mind.
I remembered that day, when I packed whatever stuff I owned at that time, destroyed everything else, put the RM80 (the money that I had at that time) into my pocket and left for Penang.
That night, things happened. I remembered way way back before that night I said to someone that it'll never happened again. It did. So I lied.
I wished I could stay, but then again, it was a hard time. Crushed from top, below, front, back, side to side, all around. If I stayed, there's a good chance that I wont be alive today. I'm glad I stayed away. But I kept on thinking, if I stayed, where would life take me?
I changed my name, I changed my looks so many times, inventing make-belief facade with a hope that it'll change my perspective towards life. I guess that doesn't work.
Somehow, no matter how I act, who I become, it always goes back to where I'm trying hard to avoid going to. Which is here and now.
From island to island. Crowded places, isolated places, being good, being bad, being very good and being very bad, I'll always be me. A person only I know. If I were to describe myself as I know myself today, I'd say- Someone very much like the moon. It changes it's shape, yet, it stays the same.
Some people just grow up and be what they're supposed to be. I'm still searching for who I am. Still looking for the person I'm supposed to be. Some people say that i should have a plan for my life. I do. I'm still planning for a plan.
How do I describe the feeling of blood rushing to the head, when waking up to be someone else. But the memories that came with the many different names is overwhelming. Now I'm running out of space in my head.
So as I was saying, the day after that night in Penang, my friend left me by the road side, somewhere secluded. I wanted it to be that way. I just wanted to be by the sea.
There and then, it occured to me, my circle of friends at that time were like dinosaurs at the end of the Cretaceous, I'm one of the last. Some of us got drunk while driving, got into an accident, end up dead. Some took a bold step for wrong reasons and took their own life, one got murdered, quite a few disappeared to some distant land never to be seen again, some got married, some married and divorced and I am here. Going places, ruining someone else's life. Mostly mine.
I remembered, the text messages I sent on the ferry. I remembered the moment I stepped out of the ferry, the strap on my bag just broke off. I remembered the two cans of Zapple I bought, drank 1 and still have the other one with me right now. I remembered that long wait at the jetty. I remembered very well the break-ups, meeting new people, being used and abused. Using and abusing people. Saying things that I really meant. False hopes and empty promises.
Would you risk a gallon of bile for a teaspoon of honey? It could be worth it but I was cheated, it was not real honey at all that was offered, but the bile was real enough.
I burned every single thing I wrote back then. I just don't want to remember them and I don't want to be reminded of them. But still from time to time, some of it came back to haunt me.
Someone asked... Are you sure about this? To which the reply was... I don't know, but if I don't do it, I'll never find out- said a fictional character, trying hard to be real.
I remembered stuff. Stuff that I forgotten. Though I wasn't really trying. But I guess as the tide of time and space ebbs and flows, situation changes, it just kinda slipped from my mind.
I remembered that day, when I packed whatever stuff I owned at that time, destroyed everything else, put the RM80 (the money that I had at that time) into my pocket and left for Penang.
That night, things happened. I remembered way way back before that night I said to someone that it'll never happened again. It did. So I lied.
I wished I could stay, but then again, it was a hard time. Crushed from top, below, front, back, side to side, all around. If I stayed, there's a good chance that I wont be alive today. I'm glad I stayed away. But I kept on thinking, if I stayed, where would life take me?
I changed my name, I changed my looks so many times, inventing make-belief facade with a hope that it'll change my perspective towards life. I guess that doesn't work.
Somehow, no matter how I act, who I become, it always goes back to where I'm trying hard to avoid going to. Which is here and now.
From island to island. Crowded places, isolated places, being good, being bad, being very good and being very bad, I'll always be me. A person only I know. If I were to describe myself as I know myself today, I'd say- Someone very much like the moon. It changes it's shape, yet, it stays the same.
Some people just grow up and be what they're supposed to be. I'm still searching for who I am. Still looking for the person I'm supposed to be. Some people say that i should have a plan for my life. I do. I'm still planning for a plan.
How do I describe the feeling of blood rushing to the head, when waking up to be someone else. But the memories that came with the many different names is overwhelming. Now I'm running out of space in my head.
So as I was saying, the day after that night in Penang, my friend left me by the road side, somewhere secluded. I wanted it to be that way. I just wanted to be by the sea.
There and then, it occured to me, my circle of friends at that time were like dinosaurs at the end of the Cretaceous, I'm one of the last. Some of us got drunk while driving, got into an accident, end up dead. Some took a bold step for wrong reasons and took their own life, one got murdered, quite a few disappeared to some distant land never to be seen again, some got married, some married and divorced and I am here. Going places, ruining someone else's life. Mostly mine.
I remembered, the text messages I sent on the ferry. I remembered the moment I stepped out of the ferry, the strap on my bag just broke off. I remembered the two cans of Zapple I bought, drank 1 and still have the other one with me right now. I remembered that long wait at the jetty. I remembered very well the break-ups, meeting new people, being used and abused. Using and abusing people. Saying things that I really meant. False hopes and empty promises.
Would you risk a gallon of bile for a teaspoon of honey? It could be worth it but I was cheated, it was not real honey at all that was offered, but the bile was real enough.
I burned every single thing I wrote back then. I just don't want to remember them and I don't want to be reminded of them. But still from time to time, some of it came back to haunt me.
Someone asked... Are you sure about this? To which the reply was... I don't know, but if I don't do it, I'll never find out- said a fictional character, trying hard to be real.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Damn Holiday Season and Nosy New Neighbor
Damn tourist season.
That means no going out other than to do pressing stuffs. No makan luar (makan as in makan with the mouth ya... Not talking bout sex, which is good). No hanging out. No driving around aimlessly at night (and again, not looking for sex as some people might think). No parking space. No cars available for rental (I usually rent a car when I dont want people to know where I'm going, my own car is too easily recognized) and above all and most importantly, No seeing A.
Isk! No all of the above especially the last one= No FUN!
Me and A in the Light and Cool mode now. No meeting, minimal sms, no phone calls. Hmmm... Celebrating Merdeka separately. We both have our own set of friends. So now I feel like climbing the wall.
No meeting- No merengek-merengek.
It's funny. I mean like seeing someone for months and not feeling anything and then WHAM! KA POW! CRASH! BOOM! BANG! You're accidentally in love.
Hmpfh! Love is not blind. Love is organised random affair.
Not so. Being somewhere, wearing the right baju, right haircut, right background music, right temperature, right background music, right moment, makes it happen. It's like many many things working together and suddenly you have love. Scary!
Road tax & car insurrance going Altantuya on September 3. Worked like crazy these past months but payment not coming in yet! All three jobs, not even one payment coming in yet.
Siao. shud've whored myself when there are people interested. Heheheh... Yeah right...
You know, when you're staying alone in an apartment and your unit not facing anybody, life can be great in the nude. Yeap. Free Willy Everyday. I know it's like out of place in the modern world and stuff but you should get to know who's your neighbor. Like who just moved in, who's living with who, etc. We're just being neighborly. It's neighborly love.
BUT, poking your head across the dividing wall of the balcony is not one of them. You know when you go to a nudie beach, you can look, but not below the waist. Enjoy the balcony view but don't over-step the boundaries. Your neighbor might be sleeping naked in the living room with the sliding door open.
Anyway, that's what happened earlier today. The guy got an eyeful. I'll consider it as charity.
I never been to a nudie beach. I'm more of a nudie at home kind of guy. Kah kah kah....
My horoscope says for September 01, 2007
Want a deep relationship with someone you socialize with? Start a deep conversation. (I am so not having a deep conversation with any of my friends.... Eeeee.... Imagine hugging any one of my friends with loving intentions... It'll be so very the incest!)
You're at your best with fairly large groups of people right now, so see if you can find a way to insert yourself into the middle of it all. At work it might be a lot easier than you would think.
My friends horoscope for September 01, 2007
Talking is just talking -- if you want to overcome the obstacles, get moving today!
You're letting people see a little bit more of you -- and they like what they see! It could be that you're a bit more impressive than you have been letting on and now's as good a time as any to show off.
That means no going out other than to do pressing stuffs. No makan luar (makan as in makan with the mouth ya... Not talking bout sex, which is good). No hanging out. No driving around aimlessly at night (and again, not looking for sex as some people might think). No parking space. No cars available for rental (I usually rent a car when I dont want people to know where I'm going, my own car is too easily recognized) and above all and most importantly, No seeing A.
Isk! No all of the above especially the last one= No FUN!
Me and A in the Light and Cool mode now. No meeting, minimal sms, no phone calls. Hmmm... Celebrating Merdeka separately. We both have our own set of friends. So now I feel like climbing the wall.
No meeting- No merengek-merengek.
It's funny. I mean like seeing someone for months and not feeling anything and then WHAM! KA POW! CRASH! BOOM! BANG! You're accidentally in love.
Hmpfh! Love is not blind. Love is organised random affair.
Not so. Being somewhere, wearing the right baju, right haircut, right background music, right temperature, right background music, right moment, makes it happen. It's like many many things working together and suddenly you have love. Scary!
Road tax & car insurrance going Altantuya on September 3. Worked like crazy these past months but payment not coming in yet! All three jobs, not even one payment coming in yet.
Siao. shud've whored myself when there are people interested. Heheheh... Yeah right...
You know, when you're staying alone in an apartment and your unit not facing anybody, life can be great in the nude. Yeap. Free Willy Everyday. I know it's like out of place in the modern world and stuff but you should get to know who's your neighbor. Like who just moved in, who's living with who, etc. We're just being neighborly. It's neighborly love.
BUT, poking your head across the dividing wall of the balcony is not one of them. You know when you go to a nudie beach, you can look, but not below the waist. Enjoy the balcony view but don't over-step the boundaries. Your neighbor might be sleeping naked in the living room with the sliding door open.
Anyway, that's what happened earlier today. The guy got an eyeful. I'll consider it as charity.
I never been to a nudie beach. I'm more of a nudie at home kind of guy. Kah kah kah....
My horoscope says for September 01, 2007
Want a deep relationship with someone you socialize with? Start a deep conversation. (I am so not having a deep conversation with any of my friends.... Eeeee.... Imagine hugging any one of my friends with loving intentions... It'll be so very the incest!)
You're at your best with fairly large groups of people right now, so see if you can find a way to insert yourself into the middle of it all. At work it might be a lot easier than you would think.
My friends horoscope for September 01, 2007
Talking is just talking -- if you want to overcome the obstacles, get moving today!
You're letting people see a little bit more of you -- and they like what they see! It could be that you're a bit more impressive than you have been letting on and now's as good a time as any to show off.
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