Day 5 in Hell, Been Here, Done This Before

I've been busy or am I? Just keeping myself busy nowdays.

5 days. 5 fookin days.

I think this is how the story ends... A few weeks short of hitting the one year mark, my baby and I went our own ways.

I'm now just like myself last year. In pain. But this is the pain is more intense not because I never experienced break-ups before. It's more intense because it's happening now. And last year I was happier than this.

Life's a vicious cycle. First life's a bitch and then when you survived, people tend to call you one.



And this too shall pass.

No matter how attractive we are. How rich we are. How good in bed we are, we all lose our charms in the end.

Nobody knows

Love is a drug.

That's what people say. So like drugs, one should've kept away from it.

But there are times when curiousity becomes unbearable.

Just just lose your head and wonder how would it feels like to have someone as your lover... Is he/she any good in bed? Is he/she confirm to your own idea of the perfect lover?

So you took the next step and go into it. The power of the mind. You just imagine something and just imagine it often enough, it might just come true.

It is when you're at the end of it that you really start to think about the beginning.

It's sad.

It's painful.

But this isn't about me.

Not about me at all as I am living someone elses' life. The real me is tucked away somewhere safe. I am hiding. They'll never find me. Never.

It was painful, now that it all ended, the pain is still here.

So let's skip about the boring prelude and go straight to the point.

I know you're reading this...

I saw you in the morning while I was getting dressed earlier today. You were smiling when I first saw you back then but now you look so unhappy.

It felt bad causing you this pain. But if it's painful for you you can only imagine how much pain I've endured. But it's OK. I was willing to be your doormat at that time.

It's strange how a wonderful story that started so good could end so bad like this.

But love is out of the question. It's not love when we're like sharing a knife that we cannot see and taking turns stabbing one another until one of of bleed to death.

Maybe this separation will do us some good. Maybe we both could finally be happy at the same time now even though we're not together anymore.

I hope one day when all the pain is over, maybe we could be friends. Maybe.

So I guess it's too late to say what I really wanted to say to you, but I know that you'll know what I wanted to say because I've said it so many times. Those words that you've never said to me.

I'll say it once more and this time I mean it.

Now you know.

Goodbye love.

Echo...

... The mind is like a dark lab filled with many many fragile glass containers filled to the brim with dangerous liquid substance, balanced on their own weight on a plank, hidden in someones' basement...

Madness... Madness All Around

Argh... I am so tensed... Honey... Bla bla bla...

Yeah... I am so tensed... So much pent-up supressed dsires longing to be fulfilled... Sebagai contoh... Uh... Better censor it down to keep it as safe for work as possible... Anyway... today passed not as I expected (I expected it to end with a disaster but nothing happened... it's not as bad as I imagined...).

So next time you decides to panic... Panic in minimal amount only... Never ever panic more than the recommended the daily panic dose...

Like on the radio... I never entertain song requests. Never... Tho the stations' tagline is yes! it's for you... It's more like yes... it's for the dj.... punya pasal abah aku ler nak cakap apa pun... :P

Sikalang ni... dalam busy2 pakcik pun... pakcik tetap ada masa untuk belajo photoshop...

Anyway... by popular request.... Act'ly it's just Ms. Sufina who requested this... I'm uploading some of her pix here... Kesian dia... dia skang orang kurang upaya aka OKU... (pasang lagu tema piena sambil upload gambo... Lagu warga tua...) wakakaka...

Gambo original... Tak lawa langsung...

Epek (effect) ni namanya "Bloom"...

Bak kata omputih... "the bunga is blooming" maksudnya "flower tu tengah kembang"... Sikalang gambo Cik Piena dah lawa... Kalo potong semua background... boh background itam.... Leh jadik poster one night only in Arena of Stars... Wow... She's glowing!

Cantik giler hasil kerja tangan pakcik yang berbakat ni... Bila tgk gambo ni... Instead of lagu "warga tua" I terbayang lagu "makhluk tuhan paling sexy"... Tapi itu tetap lagu tema pakcik... orang lain jangan gatai ngaku lagu itu lagu tema... Hehehe...

Hidup inikan macam roda? Ok la... Kadang2 atas... kadang2 bawah... Kadang2 kita melawakan.... dan pastinya... kadang2 kita memperdajalkan... wakaka.... Ini plaks epek yang dipanggil "liquify" yang selalu digunapakai oleh tmnet lam printed add depa...

Gambo 2 budak cacat yang belum diper"epek"kan.

Wakakakakaka... Gambo 2 budak cacat yang hodoh lagi spastik posing ala2 terliur tengok cicak lepak kat siling... Kah kah kah... Ok... Tabley buat manyak2 kang kilat sambaq... dah la aku dok kat tingkat 6 ni...

Happy or Unhappy... Is It That Important

I've been busy. With so many things to say but no time to write... Just a photo that I snapped. It's a beautiful place where I am now. The sky is light, the ground is dark. That is where I am. Somewhere dark.

Things that strikes my fancy... Among many other things, Wacom Tablet...

I cant really remember what started this obsession, but i think it has got something to do with the youtube video... Yes... Youtube is evil! NEway, I've started this project a few days back... Am trying to paint using photoshop... It's a work of art in progress (heh.. aren't they all?)

Initial Sketch... A

B

C

D

F

G

H

I... Hehehe... Just kidding... This is the original pix la... Kalo I can paint until like this... Kaya lo I... I'll paint nudie pix of people... Realistic fake nudie pix of beautiful people... And I'll sell them for a gadzillion of ringgit.. I'd be rich then I'll donate some of my money... Maybe 5 hinggit to this, another 5 hinggit to that... Then I'd buy myself a piece of land and build a house surrounded by lake. Hmmm...

I just put this together... I know it's a galaxy away from a realistic rendition of the pix... I ngantuk... Nanti I sambung mewacom-tabletkan file psd ini... :P

BRB... Not ASAP but Will BRB

M so vry d bsy nwdys. NEway, me b8ng a prt-tm wrkr mns X wrk X $. BRB ltr.