I feel so empty. I used to feel so complete when I have my baby with me. Now I feel so hollow. On the outside I'm still me, but it's a different story altogether inside.
It's like being pulled to different directions all at once. I want my baby back. My baby can be sweet. That's what i like about my baby. My baby can be mean, that- I dont like at all.
It's hard to be in love with someone who can love you and hurt you at the same time.
If my baby comes back, I think I'd want us to be happy. Both of us. At the same time.
We'd be more sensitive to each others' feelings. We'd pay more attention to all those little things that we do.
Perhaps more tolerant to each persons' flaws.
And maybe, just maybe if my baby comes back into my life. I'd want us to be more open in public. Nomore secrecy-secrecy thingy.
And maybe we can be less moody and egoistic towards one another. Instead of competing on how great we are in our lives, maybe we can be like complementing each other. I'll be your king and my baby will be my queen. Maybe we'd start treating one another as one.
I sent my baby an sms. I wish all of my babys' wishes will come true and I mean it. Today is my babys' birthday. I missed my baby so much. Unbelievably, I got a reply. So I guess, with so many things in my mind, most of them about my baby, I think I should just type a small part of if here and hope that tonight I can go to bed without losing my mind because I am here and my baby is miles away celebrating a special day. So here goes.
I have so many things that I wanted so bad to say to you. I'm eager to have you back, but I'm affraid. So afraid that I will hurt you again, losing and I'm afraid you'd hurt me just like last time.
You see, sometimes when everything was good, it was really good.
I'd look forward to come back home from work, just to see your face when you opened the door for me.
Remember when you got sick and you got me so worried for days. I had to feed you chicken soup.
Every morning, I'd love to see your face, you'd just sit on the couch, or if my stuffs were all on the couch, you'd lay on the floor with the old blanket, you'd look so blurry and sweet, while I prepared breakfast.
That's the only time that we didn't fight in the kitchen. Twice we tried preparing lunch at home, and both times we ended up screaming to one another. We'd get so mad, that we'd not talk for days.
But most of the time, one of us would take the effort to make peace.
Why didn't we this time?
I dont know.
Anyway, you might or might not read this.
It's the little things that I dream about, that no one ever talks about. the little things I think about, that no one ever dreams about. The kisses, the promises, the whispers and the plans.
As I said, I hope all your wishes will come true. I wish that I could be there to celebrate this special day with you like we've no, I mean you've planned, but I'm sure you know what happened so I can't. I feel bad about it. I really do. I dont know what else to say. Maybe I'll just say "happy birthday".
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