Hmmm...

I am lost.

Moms' birthday went by... The story that happened that night... I felt something bad... I felt sad... I tossed and I turned. I couldn't sleep that night and I went to work on that day feeling very sleepy.

My dad lost his handphone that day... I learned that just now...

Me and My sayangku are doing OK.

OK, I lied... We just fought again... Over something stupid. That's nothing new. In 2-3 days, we'll be back at it again...

But today's something to remember... Almost seven months together, we had our makan together at my place (which I kelam-kabutly ordered after work)we watched movies together, I bagi dia whole body-massage (while thinking, I could be doing other fun things), then we fought. No goodbye, no thank you, just left (but of course sebelum tu I kena baling ngan tuala...)

Great. The day started so well. What else could go wrong? Lots...

I dont know what to do. I dont want to think about. Just type everything here and go to bed...

Well anyway, my mom told me Mr. Shah got engaged. Good for him. So since I had nothing better to do and since he used to be someone very very very close to me... I called him after my sayangku went home angry.

As I waited while the tone ringing, I thought about starting the conversation with something like "Congratulations... Why didn't you tell me?" or "Congratulations... Finally it happened..." but something doesn't feel right... So when I finally heard his voice on the line, I started my conversation with "Hi, sorry to call you so late. Are you free to talk?" I heard something he said, but I cant really make it up, but something in his tone made me ask "Is everything alright?"...

His father passed away.

14th January 2008. The night that I cannot sleep.

This happened twice. First the night Mr. Edgar was murdered. I couldn't sleep. I felt scared, many miles away while my best friend was stabbed repeatedly, mercilessly and left to bleed to death.

I shared his fear that night.

My condolences to Mr. Shahs' family. I remember those whom I knew who have passed beyond the world, the sun, the sky and everything in between.

If I'm given a choice between dying young and to be able to live forever and watch everyone you know, grow old and die, I'd choose to die young. I can't take a loss like death very well.

My turn will come soon, I guess. No, I know for sure, but I dont know the exact date.