Just a Test...

I know I've been a bit lazy updating this blog... Lazy updating and totally ignoring until I consider delete this whole thing are two different things... That too have crossed my mind.

Decisions... Decisions... Decisions... Why do have things have to be yes or no? either or? This or that? Yeah, you think that's frustrating...

How bout MAYBE? That's worst than "You answer me... YES? or NO? and you answer me now" question.

it's a case of I'm not telling you, my feeling towards you. I maybe love you... I maybe playing you for a fool (That you are...)

Dammit...

What kind of people would ask someone they love "you do whatever you want to do... I'll do what I want to do... You can't force me to do anything... You can't stop me from doing anything... OK?"

Fine... Whatever... That sums up everything... It's a love-hate-love-hate thing...

We all have flaws... We try to make things better... Some of us just doesn't care... I need to go out and drive fast...

Maybe I'll get lucky tonight... No lucky isn't about sex... I'm way past that...

So it was all a test... Now you know the limit of my patience... Nothing else to break and mend... I failed the test. I'm sorry.

Heaven,
You say it could be heaven ...
But I don't really know ...
Lovers come and go ...
When hot gets a little cold.

Infatuation is just the great anticipation
Of starring in that picture show
Let's wait until the credits roll ...
When hot gets a little cold.

I could get carried away but not anymore ...
What was it I heard you say you love me 'cause I'm strong
I hope that you're not wrong.

Heaven, you say it could be heaven,
Well I don't really know ...
I'll try not to let it show
When hot gets a little cold ...
When hot gets a little cold ...
When hot gets a little cold ...


It could've been one hell of a relationship.

The End.

Note to self: No matter where you run, if you're on the same island... You're bound to meet someone you dont feel like meeting...

After the incident... I dropped A to somewhere... Then i went back and thought of doing something crazy... I put on my clubbing baju (after all this years... it still fits perfectly) and drove all by myself to somewhere... I got one thing on my mind... To get wasted (although I know I'd never do it... I just drove because I know I'd change my mind as soon as I get there)

On the way, my "kawan-kawan dikala gembira je" (friends for fun only) called me... Wah... Like so many months, years even, suddenly they called? There's this super rich fella been asking me out since a few years back, when I say out, I mean out out... As in naik kapal terbang... go somewhere, do something...

Totally ain't me...

But tonight, I'm feeling vulnerable... Yeah right!

I guess when I'm in pain... I sent psychic messages and they'd recieved it loud and clear... And they asked me to go where I am actually was going... parked my car at the car park but didn't get out... On the second thought, I changed my baju clubbing ala2 ricky martin into shorts, singlet and jacket there and then in the car. Walked along the beach up and down dunno how many times until lenguh kaki ini melangkah... It was drizzling... Perfect... Just like Madonnas' The Power of Goodbye music video...

Called a friend that I haven't seen since he arrived to Malaysia, been 6 long months since I met him at the airport. Went for a late supper at Boom Boom Corner.

It's good to be around people who loves plants. We talk about lots of plants...

At least plants doesn't demand this and that other than water+sunlight+food+occasional pruning and trimming... But i didn;t mention that... Dopn't want people to know I am vulnerable at the moment...

Back to plants...

No complications.

No heartache.

Nothing.

Then it's time to say goodbye.

I stopped at the place where I wanted to go... Ok... It's a cheesy club called Enigma. I stopped by the road side and gave A a call- not picking up.

Tried again. Still no answer.

Then came a text message, it reads-

"m at enigma. text u later. "

The best thing to do now is to clear from the area... Kang terserempak kat situ tak ke panjang cerita... I backed up the car slowly I terus pecut kereta balik umah.

Moral of the story- there's no moral in this story. If you want to settle down with someone, no matter how they hurt you... You won't/can't/couldn't hurt them back. Love makes you go numb and dumb. I repeat... DUMB and NUMB.

I missed my cruel usual self... I missed punching people in the face... Breaking someones' jaw with my bare hands, drawing lines on someones' back with forks, poking needles into someones' toenails... Tie someone up and drip burnt rubber onto them.

Tonite, I'm gonna take 5 of those pink pills... Maybe I'll wake up feeling better later... It'll be good if I dont have to wake up at all. I mean what's the point of living, if you often feel dead anyway?