I Believe... In Horoscope

The Lighthouse- Upclose and VERY Personal

My horoscope says this week gonna be lame... I was sceptical at first... Now I truly believe...

And I believe that substitute for love is not love. It's just something you make up in your mind. That, and also if you have to change something about yourself just to please someone you love, then it's not love.

Congratulations, you've become someone elses' accessory.

And I believe that being alone is better than to trust someone with your heart.

A friend told me that not being attached and I'd like to stress that my friend is living a high risk life and go for med checks at least once quarterly and he had bad experiences in life before. So this is more of a stern warning rather than an example to follow.

He said, on the long run, paying for "it" is cheaper than getting married or keeping someone. You pay a little bit and then you leave. You can choose to come back, if you get bored, you can find another one or two. No fighting. No jealousy. No expensive "I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me" Gifts. No commitment (Yes, commitments are expensive) . But that's him.

I don't believe in living like that. For me it's like nothing, equals nothing. You're who you date.

My mood swing is difficult enough to cope with. My hyper-tension is getting worst. Love crippled- but that sounds so like sexual dysfunction thingy.

Anyway, I remembeed one person who I "dated" recently. So this person popped out a question- No, it's not will you marry me or can I have your baby or one of those heavy stuff... It goes something like this-

A: If you have to choose, between me and your plants, which one will you choose?

Me:Are you serious?

A: Yes.

Me: Seriously, are you serious?

A: ... (Giving me a "if-you-dont-answer-me-i'm-gonna-throw-a-major-tantrum-at-you" look)

Me: OK, can I have both?

A: NO, choose now... Your plants or me?

Me: If it comes to that extent, I'll choose my plants.

A: I am so not talking to you anymore (you perv!!!!)

End of story.

This love will never work.

Anyway, you love the person you love, not hurt him/her. You can't love a person at your own time as that is so not fair. But nothing's fair in life.

You can be handsome or beautiful and be lonely. You can earn thousands and still be deprived of something. You can surround yourself with friends and still be lonely. You can also be ugly and miserable. Believe me, I've been there and done all that.

And I'd like to end todays' posting with something that suits my feelings at this moment, there's no better choice than a quote by Dorothy Parker (if you don't know Dorothy Parker, forget about dating me... )

'By the time you swear you're his,

Shivering and sighing,

And he vows his passion is...

Infinite, undying,

Lady, make a note of this—

One of you is lying.'

Note to self:

I'd like to put my heart in a stone chest, lock it. Double lock it. Put some chains around it. Store it in a safe. Punch in some random code that I'll not remember. Throw away the keys. And dump the safe into the ocean.

I'm so miserable right now... I won't even date myself.