I Feel..

It's almost 2 am and I am not sleepy.

It's weird to have 2 office colleagues to text you at 10 pm. 

One asking about work. 

The other one, who I am not very close with, texted me to ask if I am OK. He said he suddenly thought of me. It was tad weird. 

Yesterday Abang Habib called me. His operation went well. He'll be in the hospital doe the next week or so. Maybe I'll drop by to see him on Wednesday. 

I booked a holiday for my birthday.

Terengganu. 

I guess I will have to convert my overtime for last month as off-days. Made plans with Bad to meet up in Terengganu. He told me his birthday is in July too. 22nd July. 

Cute. 

So that's that. 

I feel weird. 

I feel pain moving in my stomach, some weird aches around my genitals and groin area and the nerve at the end of my fingers and toes is acting up. They're numb and painful. Sharp stabbing pain here and there. My legs and arms are getting numb too. 

I feel slightly nauseous. 

I hope that this is just the effect of the chemo on Friday. 

I am planning to try the RSO. 

Did I?

I can't sleep.

You know when you can't sleep and it s raining, you got curious. 

Then you starting wondering if things are still working as it should. 

Long story short (it was a long, long story. It helps because my fingers' nerve is not working as they should) and then the time came.

I felt some familiar jolt... Familiar twitching and vibrating. That warm fuzzy feeling that I didn't know I missed, but nothing came out. It's like stuck halfway. 2 drops pooled at the tip. That's it. But I am going to enjoy it anyway. 

Oh well, let's see if this will result in any trouble tomorrow. 

Atyaboy. 

music.

I think I should listen to songs that means something to me.

I noticed that it kind of recharge me. 

Yes. I think I should do that. 

If...

If I let go of my pain, I'd have nothing left. 

Not Complaining But...

It's a public holiday today, my pain is not taking a break.

While They Celebrate.

My tummy hurts. It seems to be clogged again somehow. 

I am not touching the morphine. 

My Love Song List.

I remember falling in love. More than once. 

I remember there's always a song or two, every time. So these are the songs that hits the way it did. Once upon a time. Love, long lost but never forgotten. 

Rush Rush 

 / Will You Marry Me? - Paula Abdul / Selingkar Kasih - Rem

La Luna Belinda Carlise / Ke Sayup Bintang - Ning 

Fly By - Blue / The Virgin State of Mind

Could I Have This Kiss Forever? - Whitney Houston & Enrique / Nobody Wants to Be Lonely - Christina Aguilera + Ricky Martin 

Bunga-Bunga Cinta - Misha Omar

Boom Boom Boom - Rare Blend / Meet Me Halfway - the Black Eyed Peas

Menanti - Aishah

*This list is created to remember the love I've found and lost. All the missed opportunities. Tears. Tenderness. Affection. Emptiness. Longing. Misery. Hatred. 

Things left unsaid.