Lights... Lights... Lighter... Lighter... Flash...

Someone told me, I may be tough, for people who don't know me. I am cold. Unmoved. I don't care about people. True enough. I am being myself. After years of figuring it out for myself, I think I've found myself. I am me. Whatever that means.

You know who you really're when you're alone. No pretending. Just yourself. That's when the real you comes out from all what you created for the people around you. Just an illusion. Just a play. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I've been sad. I've been happy. I've felt complete. I've been empty. I cared. I don't give a damn anymore.

Me fresh from the office.

Me in the officewear that shocked the whole office.

Me in minimal clothing. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Reflection Time

People will never be satisfied. One can be alone and happy, but most of us chose to be with somebody. Happily attached or otherwise, that's a totally different matter. One can be thin and not loved, one can be fat and not loved too. One can be ugly and still find love, but in reality, it's hard for ugly people to find love. Good-looking people are not as lucky too.

One can be faithful and unhappy. One can be unfaithful but yet have a wonderful life at home. One can be surrounded by friends and still feel lonely. One can be alone and still feel complete.

From one end to the other. One can swing to and fro, back and forth and still end up swinging. It's all about being human, in a totally unpredictable world.

Whatever i'm doing, I do it for me.

Like a heart needs a beat... Its Nothing New...

CMYK Says You Are the Colors of My Days and Nights...

Mamat took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "mamat's Existing Situation- Willing and adaptable. Only at peace when closely attached to a person, group, or organization on a which reliance can be placed. mamat's Stress Sources The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground. He feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to him and from which he wants to escape, but he feels unable to make the necessary decision. mamat's Restrained Characteristics Feels listless, hemmed in, and anxious; considers that circumstances and forcing him to restrain his desires. Wants to avoid open conflict with others and to have peace and quiet. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to him. mamat's Desired Objective Sets himself idealistic but illusory goals. Has been bitterly disappointed and turns his back on life in weary self-disgust. Wants to forget it all and recover in a comfortable, problem-free situation. mamat's Actual Problem The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. His inability to enforce his will causes him to over-react in stubborn defiance and by assigning to others all the blame for his own failures. Click here to read the rest of the results.

Of the BBQ Chicken and Buttered Rice Philosophy and The Truth

We all have our own problem. A few nights back Ms. Mirinda and I went to Papas' to try out some of his "famous" BBQ chicken with butter rice. It was good. It could be better, the chicken came out undercooked. It was tough to pick out the meat from the bones. So I asked it to be taken back to the kitchen. It arrived back with a second helping of rice on a new plate. Cooked to perfection.

So the lesson for that night was: Relationships are like BBQ Chicken, when it's undercooked, it's hard to separate the meat from the bones. Cook it well enough, even a slight stab with a fork or a knife will do the job. And dont forget, if you over cook it some more, you'll end up with something edible.

A test is a test, only when the chances of passing and failing is 50-50. Any outside influence favoring either turns it into something else.

If you push something away hard enough, long enough, often enough, it will soon go away.

It's amazing how many time you can get your heart broken, trampled, stabbed and not a visible scar showing.

I've waiting long enough. I've been pushed away often enough.

Scary Stuff...

If there are two MEs, the world will be a better place for myself.

One of me will be working while the other will be at home. Perhaps with my family.

If there are two MEs, I'd be cleaning my house, that'll make things easier and faster.

If there's two MEs, both will be working. Maybe one will do conty, while the other will do function. More money for me.

If there's two MEs, on the first day i realised there's more than one me, I'd scream "Oh my GOD! I've been cloned!"

Flash Back. Valentines Day

Me all dolled up and ready to run amok on stage for Love is Cinta Valetines' Night at Sheraton Langkawi Beach Resort.

Cute kan?

I sorta kinda look like my mom. Kah kah kah.

Me, from six in the morning until almost midnight. Penat giler.
Muka budak2 kelas depan says my cikgu friends.

Me, dengan comelnya posing ala2 anak Shrek.

Me again, lepas about 20 mins dalam bilik air, menyental muka penuh mekap. Dah lama tak buat modelling, lupa plaks betapa hazabnya menyental Creolan dari muka. Hehehe... Lepas ni, I terbungkang tido tak sedo apa2 dah until pagi. Best giler.