My Horoscope says September 07, 2007
Changing your job is fine, but don't assume the new one will be bigger and better. (Yeap, as I always think... making assumuption is making an ass-u-me which translates into making an ass for you and me)
Treat yourself to something nice -- you definitely deserve it! The day's energy might wear on you a bit, so it could be nice to just take a break on your own, though you may want much, much more! (Later I'll take my sleeping pills and crawl under my blankies and stay there until tomorrow)
MyFriends' Horoscope says September 07, 2007
When an intellectual member of the opposite sex puts you on the spot, rise above it!
Be careful with your little jokes, especially this afternoon -- people are far more literal-minded than you may realize! It shouldn't get you in trouble, but it might earn you more than a few funny looks. (You're in trouble, I'm in trouble, we're both in trouble, though not everybody heals as fast as you)
Note to self:
Somebody I know once said to me, if you want to be sure it is love that you think you've found, let it go and if it comes back, then it is love after all, but if you keep letting it go and pushing it away, one day, you'll wake up and love might not be there anymore.
When a wonderful relationship turns sour, start calling it a relationshit for a while... Then flush.
Bad Moment OST for the Moment - Live to Tell by Madonna
And the lyric
I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall
Chorus:
A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, 'till then
It will burn inside of me
I know where beauty lives
I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives
The light that you could never see
It shines inside, you can't take that from me
(chorus)
2nd Chorus:
The truth is never far behind
You kept it hidden well
If I live to tell
The secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again
If I ran away, I'd never have the strength
To go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart
Will it grow cold
The secret that I hide, will I grow old
How will they hear
When will they learn
How will they know
(chorus)
(2nd chorus)
Friday, September 7, 2007
Thursday, September 6, 2007
A stupid question...
Earlier today, well, my day went as usual... Maybe exciting for some people... But for me it's boring with a capital B. I went to send Kak CT to work, stay at home and didn't do anything at all. Called A, but as usual... short conversation.
Went out makan with Ms. Sufina and Ms. Mirinda. Went to Pantai Cenang to buy some secondhand books with Ms. Mirinda- The title of one of the book she bought was wonderful- The Adultery Club. How sweet.
Came home, called A, again... The conversation was cut short, a few text messages and we ended up fighting... Again... Hmm...
Now I'm in a Is-It-Worth-It-Phase.
Anyway, somewhere in between I was asked by someone who shall never be named- You , know you're going to die right? (Nods) Everybody dies, so what is it that you want to tell the world, your public statement, your excuse, whatever you want to call it, for the live/your time here?
So as I was doing everything I listed as what I did today, my brain was working extra hard to come up with an answer to that question...
"I was born, I grew up, I hated, I loved, I was hated, I was loved, I lived and so I died. I have nothing profound to teach the world."
There... I think that sums up everything for now...
As for the matter of the heart... hmmm... I'm going to bed.
Went out makan with Ms. Sufina and Ms. Mirinda. Went to Pantai Cenang to buy some secondhand books with Ms. Mirinda- The title of one of the book she bought was wonderful- The Adultery Club. How sweet.
Came home, called A, again... The conversation was cut short, a few text messages and we ended up fighting... Again... Hmm...
Now I'm in a Is-It-Worth-It-Phase.
Anyway, somewhere in between I was asked by someone who shall never be named- You , know you're going to die right? (Nods) Everybody dies, so what is it that you want to tell the world, your public statement, your excuse, whatever you want to call it, for the live/your time here?
So as I was doing everything I listed as what I did today, my brain was working extra hard to come up with an answer to that question...
"I was born, I grew up, I hated, I loved, I was hated, I was loved, I lived and so I died. I have nothing profound to teach the world."
There... I think that sums up everything for now...
As for the matter of the heart... hmmm... I'm going to bed.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
From 5 July-Today
Yes, from July 5 to the present day.
First cute dumb sms sent. Been high up and low low down. So today, I've made a decission to sit back and enjoy the roller coaster emotional ride. We never actually did go where we planned to go the first place. But we did go to other places and I think if it ends now, I still got more than what I hoped for. A birthday wish, never spoken but it came true anyway.
As for my personal life at the moment, well, car insurrance went Altantuya already, but I'm driving Mr. Hazanis' car. Still broke broke. Planned to call my dad for logistic help but my sister beat me to it. How did I know? Well, she have the courtesy and called me to tell me about it. Hmmm...
Puasa is just around the corner and I never liked puasa and Raya. It's like you're supposed to go back and spend time with your family but then you dont feel like going back and that makes you feel shitty. You wonder what's wrong with yourself.
And today, to celebrate my 2nd month of being both exhilerated and numb emotionally, simultaenously, I wore the Shrek Headband to work. I put it on as I was walking out of the car, parked at the usual parking space, of course, walked inside the office building and walk through the office, while smiling and greeting my office mates. I worked my whole 3 hours wearing that head band and passed it to Ms. Sufina where she wore it, hopefully throughout her 3 hours... So it's Be Silly/be Shrek day/Be Both Silly and Shrek-ky-ish today...
No use typing long-long... A pix is worth a thousand words... Saves me 2000 words just by posting these 2 pix here...
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+copy.jpg)
My horoscope today says September 05, 2007
After many new beginnings recently, you can expect a few terminations right now.
Are you waiting for a sign before moving on with the next phase of your life (or, on a smaller scale, some new project)? You've definitely got the energy to go for it right now, sign or no sign.
First cute dumb sms sent. Been high up and low low down. So today, I've made a decission to sit back and enjoy the roller coaster emotional ride. We never actually did go where we planned to go the first place. But we did go to other places and I think if it ends now, I still got more than what I hoped for. A birthday wish, never spoken but it came true anyway.
As for my personal life at the moment, well, car insurrance went Altantuya already, but I'm driving Mr. Hazanis' car. Still broke broke. Planned to call my dad for logistic help but my sister beat me to it. How did I know? Well, she have the courtesy and called me to tell me about it. Hmmm...
Puasa is just around the corner and I never liked puasa and Raya. It's like you're supposed to go back and spend time with your family but then you dont feel like going back and that makes you feel shitty. You wonder what's wrong with yourself.
And today, to celebrate my 2nd month of being both exhilerated and numb emotionally, simultaenously, I wore the Shrek Headband to work. I put it on as I was walking out of the car, parked at the usual parking space, of course, walked inside the office building and walk through the office, while smiling and greeting my office mates. I worked my whole 3 hours wearing that head band and passed it to Ms. Sufina where she wore it, hopefully throughout her 3 hours... So it's Be Silly/be Shrek day/Be Both Silly and Shrek-ky-ish today...
No use typing long-long... A pix is worth a thousand words... Saves me 2000 words just by posting these 2 pix here...
.jpg)
+copy.jpg)
My horoscope today says September 05, 2007
After many new beginnings recently, you can expect a few terminations right now.
Are you waiting for a sign before moving on with the next phase of your life (or, on a smaller scale, some new project)? You've definitely got the energy to go for it right now, sign or no sign.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Just for Entertainment
Love the music, love the image... Love em all...
And to qoute someone prominent in carnivorous plants in Malaysia, though I had to tweak a little bit of his words- Carnivorous plants- Unique plants for unique individuals...
That sorta kinda make me feels special...
And knowing myself... I just had to spend hours and hours sifting through links and samples looking for the untitled song... FOUND IT! Muahahaha....
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Another Night Alone...
This feels so not good. Hmmm... First visiting friends, now not feeling so well, what's next?
*Hentak2 kepala kat dinding...
Adei...
There's a saying that I made up... And it goes something like this- Sell a man a fish, he'll eat it for a day (assuming he's not like me, cos I dont frigging eat a frigging fish), teach a man how to fish, a wonderful business opportunity will be ruined.
*Hentak2 kepala kat dinding...
Adei...
There's a saying that I made up... And it goes something like this- Sell a man a fish, he'll eat it for a day (assuming he's not like me, cos I dont frigging eat a frigging fish), teach a man how to fish, a wonderful business opportunity will be ruined.
A Story Worth RM80 Plus a Good Depression
I've been idle lately. Remembering what I did, what I should've done.
I remembered stuff. Stuff that I forgotten. Though I wasn't really trying. But I guess as the tide of time and space ebbs and flows, situation changes, it just kinda slipped from my mind.
I remembered that day, when I packed whatever stuff I owned at that time, destroyed everything else, put the RM80 (the money that I had at that time) into my pocket and left for Penang.
That night, things happened. I remembered way way back before that night I said to someone that it'll never happened again. It did. So I lied.
I wished I could stay, but then again, it was a hard time. Crushed from top, below, front, back, side to side, all around. If I stayed, there's a good chance that I wont be alive today. I'm glad I stayed away. But I kept on thinking, if I stayed, where would life take me?
I changed my name, I changed my looks so many times, inventing make-belief facade with a hope that it'll change my perspective towards life. I guess that doesn't work.
Somehow, no matter how I act, who I become, it always goes back to where I'm trying hard to avoid going to. Which is here and now.
From island to island. Crowded places, isolated places, being good, being bad, being very good and being very bad, I'll always be me. A person only I know. If I were to describe myself as I know myself today, I'd say- Someone very much like the moon. It changes it's shape, yet, it stays the same.
Some people just grow up and be what they're supposed to be. I'm still searching for who I am. Still looking for the person I'm supposed to be. Some people say that i should have a plan for my life. I do. I'm still planning for a plan.
How do I describe the feeling of blood rushing to the head, when waking up to be someone else. But the memories that came with the many different names is overwhelming. Now I'm running out of space in my head.
So as I was saying, the day after that night in Penang, my friend left me by the road side, somewhere secluded. I wanted it to be that way. I just wanted to be by the sea.
There and then, it occured to me, my circle of friends at that time were like dinosaurs at the end of the Cretaceous, I'm one of the last. Some of us got drunk while driving, got into an accident, end up dead. Some took a bold step for wrong reasons and took their own life, one got murdered, quite a few disappeared to some distant land never to be seen again, some got married, some married and divorced and I am here. Going places, ruining someone else's life. Mostly mine.
I remembered, the text messages I sent on the ferry. I remembered the moment I stepped out of the ferry, the strap on my bag just broke off. I remembered the two cans of Zapple I bought, drank 1 and still have the other one with me right now. I remembered that long wait at the jetty. I remembered very well the break-ups, meeting new people, being used and abused. Using and abusing people. Saying things that I really meant. False hopes and empty promises.
Would you risk a gallon of bile for a teaspoon of honey? It could be worth it but I was cheated, it was not real honey at all that was offered, but the bile was real enough.
I burned every single thing I wrote back then. I just don't want to remember them and I don't want to be reminded of them. But still from time to time, some of it came back to haunt me.
Someone asked... Are you sure about this? To which the reply was... I don't know, but if I don't do it, I'll never find out- said a fictional character, trying hard to be real.
I remembered stuff. Stuff that I forgotten. Though I wasn't really trying. But I guess as the tide of time and space ebbs and flows, situation changes, it just kinda slipped from my mind.
I remembered that day, when I packed whatever stuff I owned at that time, destroyed everything else, put the RM80 (the money that I had at that time) into my pocket and left for Penang.
That night, things happened. I remembered way way back before that night I said to someone that it'll never happened again. It did. So I lied.
I wished I could stay, but then again, it was a hard time. Crushed from top, below, front, back, side to side, all around. If I stayed, there's a good chance that I wont be alive today. I'm glad I stayed away. But I kept on thinking, if I stayed, where would life take me?
I changed my name, I changed my looks so many times, inventing make-belief facade with a hope that it'll change my perspective towards life. I guess that doesn't work.
Somehow, no matter how I act, who I become, it always goes back to where I'm trying hard to avoid going to. Which is here and now.
From island to island. Crowded places, isolated places, being good, being bad, being very good and being very bad, I'll always be me. A person only I know. If I were to describe myself as I know myself today, I'd say- Someone very much like the moon. It changes it's shape, yet, it stays the same.
Some people just grow up and be what they're supposed to be. I'm still searching for who I am. Still looking for the person I'm supposed to be. Some people say that i should have a plan for my life. I do. I'm still planning for a plan.
How do I describe the feeling of blood rushing to the head, when waking up to be someone else. But the memories that came with the many different names is overwhelming. Now I'm running out of space in my head.
So as I was saying, the day after that night in Penang, my friend left me by the road side, somewhere secluded. I wanted it to be that way. I just wanted to be by the sea.
There and then, it occured to me, my circle of friends at that time were like dinosaurs at the end of the Cretaceous, I'm one of the last. Some of us got drunk while driving, got into an accident, end up dead. Some took a bold step for wrong reasons and took their own life, one got murdered, quite a few disappeared to some distant land never to be seen again, some got married, some married and divorced and I am here. Going places, ruining someone else's life. Mostly mine.
I remembered, the text messages I sent on the ferry. I remembered the moment I stepped out of the ferry, the strap on my bag just broke off. I remembered the two cans of Zapple I bought, drank 1 and still have the other one with me right now. I remembered that long wait at the jetty. I remembered very well the break-ups, meeting new people, being used and abused. Using and abusing people. Saying things that I really meant. False hopes and empty promises.
Would you risk a gallon of bile for a teaspoon of honey? It could be worth it but I was cheated, it was not real honey at all that was offered, but the bile was real enough.
I burned every single thing I wrote back then. I just don't want to remember them and I don't want to be reminded of them. But still from time to time, some of it came back to haunt me.
Someone asked... Are you sure about this? To which the reply was... I don't know, but if I don't do it, I'll never find out- said a fictional character, trying hard to be real.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Damn Holiday Season and Nosy New Neighbor
Damn tourist season.
That means no going out other than to do pressing stuffs. No makan luar (makan as in makan with the mouth ya... Not talking bout sex, which is good). No hanging out. No driving around aimlessly at night (and again, not looking for sex as some people might think). No parking space. No cars available for rental (I usually rent a car when I dont want people to know where I'm going, my own car is too easily recognized) and above all and most importantly, No seeing A.
Isk! No all of the above especially the last one= No FUN!
Me and A in the Light and Cool mode now. No meeting, minimal sms, no phone calls. Hmmm... Celebrating Merdeka separately. We both have our own set of friends. So now I feel like climbing the wall.
No meeting- No merengek-merengek.
It's funny. I mean like seeing someone for months and not feeling anything and then WHAM! KA POW! CRASH! BOOM! BANG! You're accidentally in love.
Hmpfh! Love is not blind. Love is organised random affair.
Not so. Being somewhere, wearing the right baju, right haircut, right background music, right temperature, right background music, right moment, makes it happen. It's like many many things working together and suddenly you have love. Scary!
Road tax & car insurrance going Altantuya on September 3. Worked like crazy these past months but payment not coming in yet! All three jobs, not even one payment coming in yet.
Siao. shud've whored myself when there are people interested. Heheheh... Yeah right...
You know, when you're staying alone in an apartment and your unit not facing anybody, life can be great in the nude. Yeap. Free Willy Everyday. I know it's like out of place in the modern world and stuff but you should get to know who's your neighbor. Like who just moved in, who's living with who, etc. We're just being neighborly. It's neighborly love.
BUT, poking your head across the dividing wall of the balcony is not one of them. You know when you go to a nudie beach, you can look, but not below the waist. Enjoy the balcony view but don't over-step the boundaries. Your neighbor might be sleeping naked in the living room with the sliding door open.
Anyway, that's what happened earlier today. The guy got an eyeful. I'll consider it as charity.
I never been to a nudie beach. I'm more of a nudie at home kind of guy. Kah kah kah....
My horoscope says for September 01, 2007
Want a deep relationship with someone you socialize with? Start a deep conversation. (I am so not having a deep conversation with any of my friends.... Eeeee.... Imagine hugging any one of my friends with loving intentions... It'll be so very the incest!)
You're at your best with fairly large groups of people right now, so see if you can find a way to insert yourself into the middle of it all. At work it might be a lot easier than you would think.
My friends horoscope for September 01, 2007
Talking is just talking -- if you want to overcome the obstacles, get moving today!
You're letting people see a little bit more of you -- and they like what they see! It could be that you're a bit more impressive than you have been letting on and now's as good a time as any to show off.
That means no going out other than to do pressing stuffs. No makan luar (makan as in makan with the mouth ya... Not talking bout sex, which is good). No hanging out. No driving around aimlessly at night (and again, not looking for sex as some people might think). No parking space. No cars available for rental (I usually rent a car when I dont want people to know where I'm going, my own car is too easily recognized) and above all and most importantly, No seeing A.
Isk! No all of the above especially the last one= No FUN!
Me and A in the Light and Cool mode now. No meeting, minimal sms, no phone calls. Hmmm... Celebrating Merdeka separately. We both have our own set of friends. So now I feel like climbing the wall.
No meeting- No merengek-merengek.
It's funny. I mean like seeing someone for months and not feeling anything and then WHAM! KA POW! CRASH! BOOM! BANG! You're accidentally in love.
Hmpfh! Love is not blind. Love is organised random affair.
Not so. Being somewhere, wearing the right baju, right haircut, right background music, right temperature, right background music, right moment, makes it happen. It's like many many things working together and suddenly you have love. Scary!
Road tax & car insurrance going Altantuya on September 3. Worked like crazy these past months but payment not coming in yet! All three jobs, not even one payment coming in yet.
Siao. shud've whored myself when there are people interested. Heheheh... Yeah right...
You know, when you're staying alone in an apartment and your unit not facing anybody, life can be great in the nude. Yeap. Free Willy Everyday. I know it's like out of place in the modern world and stuff but you should get to know who's your neighbor. Like who just moved in, who's living with who, etc. We're just being neighborly. It's neighborly love.
BUT, poking your head across the dividing wall of the balcony is not one of them. You know when you go to a nudie beach, you can look, but not below the waist. Enjoy the balcony view but don't over-step the boundaries. Your neighbor might be sleeping naked in the living room with the sliding door open.
Anyway, that's what happened earlier today. The guy got an eyeful. I'll consider it as charity.
I never been to a nudie beach. I'm more of a nudie at home kind of guy. Kah kah kah....
My horoscope says for September 01, 2007
Want a deep relationship with someone you socialize with? Start a deep conversation. (I am so not having a deep conversation with any of my friends.... Eeeee.... Imagine hugging any one of my friends with loving intentions... It'll be so very the incest!)
You're at your best with fairly large groups of people right now, so see if you can find a way to insert yourself into the middle of it all. At work it might be a lot easier than you would think.
My friends horoscope for September 01, 2007
Talking is just talking -- if you want to overcome the obstacles, get moving today!
You're letting people see a little bit more of you -- and they like what they see! It could be that you're a bit more impressive than you have been letting on and now's as good a time as any to show off.
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